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“Jamie, I’m not going to submit your photos after all. I don’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable. This flash drive has all the original files on it. You can use them however you wish. They are yours now. I’m so sorry I messed everything up. - Teddy”
And just like that, I realized another man I loved had left me. Except this time it was without a doubt the absolute love of my life. The human being I knew would hold my heart inside of his for as long as I walked the earth.
I told him about my job and Jamie’s, and how I was sure we could never make it work. He said I would find a way to make it work if it was worth it to me. And sometimes things that were worth it took compromise and sacrifice.
“How the hell do I know if it’s worth it?” I exclaimed in exasperation. “Well, Teddy, only you can determine that, but I can tell you one thing. When you find yourself telling a perfect stranger at the top of a mountain about an incredible person you might consider changing your life for, that’s a pretty big hint.” He smiled big and clapped me on the back.
Dammit, my heart was in Alaska. I realized in that moment I was in love with Jamie. I wanted him in my life, and I truly didn’t care what I had to do to convince him. I wanted to wake up entwined with him every morning and fall asleep with my nose in his neck every night. I wanted to hold him on quiet nights in front of the fire and hike with him on summer afternoons.
the real photographs, the ones that suck you in, are the ones where you catch a glimpse of truth in the person being photographed
I’ve learned that being in love with your subject changes your definition of beauty in those fleeting moments. The way the sun lights up their best features, the way their body language changes as they interact with their surroundings. The patience you have for dimples you know are just waiting for the right moment to show themselves. And the instinctive knowledge you have of when to hit the shutter release to catch them being their truest self.
“It’s a difficult thing to open yourself up to that kind of vulnerability, to allow someone else to not only see the real you, but to capture it and make it permanent for others to see as well.”
“If Jamie were here tonight, I would want to thank him for giving me the honor of his trust. I would also want to tell him I fell stupidly in love with him, which led me to take the best photograph of my career. Thanks again to all of you for the highest photography honor I’ve ever dreamed of,” I finished, holding up the plaque again.
People always said Hawaii was like paradise, but when I’d landed a few days earlier, it had seemed to be missing something. Not quite paradise. Not until I saw Jamie being nudged through the crowd by people who obviously recognized him from the photograph. My Jamie.
Jamie’s beautiful lips slid into a smile again. “I wasn’t about to miss seeing you win your first Gramling.”
Then I got down on one knee. His eyes widened. Here goes nothing. I held out a little platinum ring on the tip of my index finger. “Did you mean what you said about getting married?” I’d never seen him cry before that night. His eyes were full, and the tears began to reflect like little crystals hanging from his eyelashes. In that moment, I wished Teddy could have seen himself the way I saw him. I wished his camera could have captured that magical moment where my entire future was written as bright as day in salty tears spilling down his gorgeous face.
“Jamie, I can’t believe that I get to be the one standing here with you right now. In all of my life I never imagined feeling this way about another person, but then I met you. You are without a doubt the love of my life, and I plan on spending all of my days proving it to you. You are kind, smart, loving, and so very beautiful. I love the way you laugh with me, and I appreciate the gentle way you approach the world around you. Thank you for loving me back and for agreeing to marry me. I can’t wait for the adventures we’re going to have together.”
Tears brimmed in Jamie’s eyes and he tried to dash them away with his fingers. “Teddy, you’re talented, adventurous, and engaged in the world around you in a way that excites and inspires me. You’re kind and loving toward your friends, and more tender and loving with me than anyone has ever been before. I can’t think of anything I want more than to be your partner and explore the world with you. Whether it’s a quiet trek in the snow or a rowdy dance in a bar, being with you is the most fun I’ve ever had. I love you.”
“Mine,” I growled. “Forever.” His questioning glance turned to a sweet smirk. “Yes, yours, always.”
I repeated those three words over and over again while I continued to roll my hips into him. I love you. I love you.
The sweetness was almost unbearable. Jamie’s thumbs came up and wiped my own tears away as he smiled. In that moment, I knew we would be together forever, no matter what.
