The Buddhist on Death Row: How One Man Found Light in the Darkest Place

by David Sheff

dharma as studying the Buddha’s teachings and got that “study” wasn’t simply learning the history, text, and concepts of Buddhism but incorporating them into your life. And the sangha was the community of people with you on the Buddhist path.

don’t think too many prisoners would live under the boots of their misery if they knew that the amount of work is the same to make ourselves miserable or make ourselves strong. And when we do, we can free ourselves without leaving our cells.”

The power of changing your mindset can set you free

He taught that people shouldn’t try to leave behind or transcend whatever they struggled with, because pain, sadness, and despair—he called those emotions ‘negativity’—are useful, and we can learn from them. He said people have to experience the bad feelings in order to heal.

“It feels like going back to the pain will kill you, but it won’t. The thing is, yes, the pain hurts, but only by facing it will it stop chasing you. The thoughts will come, they’re very strong, and you

sit with them. You experience the sharp feelings and stay there.

She explained that karma boils down to one relevant fact and one vital question. The fact: “This is where I am today.” The question: “How will I use it?”

And he pointed him toward the central paradox of the faith: that the more one accepts suffering, the less one suffers.

That’s the Buddha he had to kill—the illusion that anything outside ourselves can save us. What he learned is that Buddha can’t save us. Jesus can’t. Allah can’t. Only we can save ourselves.

“Buddhism teaches you there’s always another way.”

bodhisattva, evoking the powerful image of a “bodhisattva warrior.” A warrior? Jarvis remembered when he thought of himself as a warrior—a warrior in the BGF’s revolution. But what was a bodhisattva warrior? He

asked her to explain. At its essence, Pema said, it’s someone who “connects completely” with human suffering and tries to help people. She said it was extraordinary that he’d found ways to help people in prison, especially on death row. Then she

“the path is going down and down and down into their suffering and the suffering of all the people. You embrace them. You join them. Compassion isn’t about looking down on someone who’s in worse shape than you and helping the poor person. It’s about a relationship between equals. You understand their suffering. You’re completely in their shoes. It comes from softening our hearts, opening up to our own and

others’ pain. To me, that’s enlightenment.”

The ceremony continued with Pema introducing a form of meditation called tonglen, practiced by bodhisattvas. “It can guide your bodhisattva practice.” She explained that tonglen is breathing in another person’s pain and then breathing out what can benefit—comfort or help—them. Then we breathe out healing energy through the air we share with them. “Normally you’re told you want to get rid of pain—bre...

Equanimity Meditation. In a slow, measured, even voice, she said, “Start imagining someone in front of you who has neither helped nor harmed you, someone you neither like nor dislike—someone you have a neutral feeling for. Think to yourself, ‘That person wants happiness, health, and good fortune, just like I do. They do not want suffering, hardship, famine, just like me.’ Can you recognize a neutral feeling, a feeling of equanimity, neither aversion nor attraction? When you feel this equanimity to any degree,

touch your hand to your heart, breathe in, and silently say to yourself, ‘This feeling is equanimity, and it blesses me and those around me with peace and stillness.’ ”

She continued, “Now imagine someone in front of you whom you like. Think to yourself, ‘That person wants happiness, health, and good fortune, just like me. They do not want suffering, hardship, famine, just like me.’ Can you feel the same equanimity and neutrality toward them? Breathe in and out gently and evenly three times. Slowly scan your body from top of h...

the breath encounters tightness. What memories are coming up for you right now? What emotions are coming up right now? When you feel any degree of equanimity toward the person you like, silently touch your heart and say, ‘This feeling is equanimity,...

She said, “Now imagine someone in front of you whom you really dislike. Breathe in and out gently and slowly three times. Slowly scan your body from top of head to bottom of feet. If you find

your breath shortening, note the location in your body where the breath encounters tightness. What memories are coming up for you right now? What emotions are coming up right now? Think to yourself, ‘That person wants happiness, health, and good fortune, just like me. They do not want suffering, hardship, famine, just like me.’ When you feel any degree of equanimity toward that person you dislike, silently touch your heart and say, ‘This feeling is equanimity, and it blesses me and those around me with peace and stillness.’ ”

feel like now? Do you feel more or less even? Remind yourself that yes, these three people, just like me, want the same positive qualities in life that I do. Breathe into that thought. Think to yourself, ‘If all beings in the world could feel equanimity toward others, the world would be more at peace. It is my wish that through my feeling this even for a fleeting moment, I am offering just a little bit more peace and comfort to those around me. May I continue to have and hold equanimity in my life, so that I and those around me can feel and grow from the peace of this harmonious thought.’ ”

“Back when I first contacted Rinpoche, he sent that old book of his, Life in Relation to Death, in which he said people should end their day by asking what they have done with their lives if they died that night. The questions scared the hell out of me then. I’d wasted my life. I’d harmed many people. I have different answers now and ask different questions.” “What are the questions you ask?” “You once said that karma boils down to the question ‘How will I use today?’ That’s what I ask: How will I use today?

Will I be asleep or awake? What will I notice? How can I help? Whose life will I touch?”