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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
David Sheff
Read between
September 27 - October 6, 2020
People can simultaneously feel the world’s sorrow and the world’s joy. He thought, Is that what they mean when they talk about Nirvana? Is it enlightenment?
entitled That Bird Has My Wings,
before he could consider forgiving himself, he had to understand what he had to forgive himself for.
all children are predisposed to take as the truth whatever circumstances they encounter—they don’t know anything different.
The wounds of childhood cut deeply. The psychological damage can override our best instincts, at least until we face those wounds.
“Some of our experiences have an enduring impact,” she said. “We may never fully get over them. But we can reframe them.” She reminded him of tonglen meditation and explained more about it. “Tonglen isn’t only breathing in others’ pain. It’s also breathing in our own pain. We breathe it in and then breathe out what we need to heal. You beat yourself up because you feel you deserve it.
“Try your best to stay in the middle,” she said, “not to spin out on outcomes you can’t predict or control, either positive or negative. Don’t deny the hope and fear; let yourself feel them both. But work with your breath to stay in the middle. Hope and fear are two sides of the same coin. Both are traps. But remember how both rob you of the present moment. Your practice will help you get through this.”
“At times like this, our minds can go to very dark places,” she said. “Don’t deny those thoughts, acknowledge them, and then return to your breath.”
shenpa, the Buddhist concept of “attachment,” which she translated as “getting hooked” on an idea, fantasy, person, drug, or anything else that preoccupies us.
a Buddhist’s feelings are never simple or singular.
the measure of a Buddhist’s progress isn’t how a person avoids falling, because falls are inevitable; the true measure is how they bounce back.
Tara doesn’t magically take worries away but protects us while we face them.
“Buddhism is about how we’re all the same, in this world together, struggling. Life is hard for everyone—we’re all suffering together.” Then he added, “And it shows us how we cause so much of our own suffering.”
“The thing is, you are a Buddhist.” He explained, “People think it’s Buddha saying ‘Sit down, wake up, pray, find a robe, shave your head, empty the mind.’ It’s not like that. It is that you can take in the thoughts—the bad thoughts—the good ones, too. You can sit with them. You practice, and you realize if you don’t run from your fears, your doubts, your past—whatever hurts you—when you face them, they stop chasing you. It changes how you feel about yourself, your life, even here. Buddhism also changes how you react to events. So if you stop running, face your shit…
“When you’re in hell and things can’t get any worse, you can try things you never tried before. Like trusting people. Looking at yourself. Admitting you’re scared.”
Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving Kindness,
When his mind was free, he was free.
There were lessons about the Three Jewels and the Four Noble Truths, which she compared to “the disease, the diagnosis, the cure, and the medication,”
Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, in which another SŌtŌ monk, Shunryū Suzuki,
“You want to feel others’ suffering,” she said, “but not drown in it. Then you’re no good to anyone.”
He’d always been resilient, but how much disappointment could a person take?
By then he understood how poisonous hope could be,
“Not being attached doesn’t mean not feeling. The point is not to deny yourself your feelings, not to shut yourself down and pretend you aren’t human.” She counseled, “Sit with the feeling of hope. Yes, again. Again. Allow it in, don’t block it, don’t pretend it’s not happening.”
“The real question,” Pema said, “is if it’s possible to feel both things at the same time. Buddhism teaches us that we can. Ambivalence is truer than certainty. Allow yourself to feel both. Don’t fight it. If you do, you’re fighting yourself.”
It was easier to be hopeless.”
“I know you don’t feel like a warrior, but you are, and sometimes a warrior’s task is to sit with defeat.”
we never know who our most important teachers will be,
the Dalai Lama had once said that our enemies are our most important teachers.
Jarvis wrote Pema, “I meditated this morning. For three hours. I got there again. It’s like there’s this sadness, this loss, but lightness. It’s like I’m throwing off these rocks I’ve been carrying. The rocks are the ideas about what I think I need in my life to be happy.”
“It’s always something—I think we all do it. We think if we get what we want we’ll be happy. We fantasize that a relationship will bring us happiness. We think we’ll find fulfillment, an end to our suffering, and we can stop running and we’ll sleep soundly all night. But I see the truth in letters people write me. They’re chasing that illusion of happiness. They have the two-car garage, the beachfront home, their perfect children and cute dog, and they still feel depression. If you have everything and still are depressed, now, that’s a bigger problem than what I have. You have all that, and
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You know how I never understood karma? Now, that’s karma: wherever you are, you have to face yourself.”
mess up all the time but am grounded every morning when I ask myself questions. They give me peace and power.”
In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go? —Gautama Buddha
he should learn to see the perfection of all beings.
I got it then, what Jarvis’s first teacher had meant: all those people—in their business and boredom, in their joy and suffering—they were perfect.
I looked from cage to cage again, and saw what he saw. Where I saw sadness, pain, and regret, Jarvis saw light and joy and love.
Free your mind and your ass will follow. —George Clinton, Funkadelic
