An Unwanted Guest

by Shari Lapena

Their own families are more important and Candice doesn’t have a family. Candice can do it. She finds herself mouthing the words, silently and sarcastically, automatically, with a snarky expression on her face.

I feel this kind of resentment myself at times

She’s tired of pretending she’s fine, when everybody’s looking at her like they obviously think she’s got a screw loose. At least now they’ll know why. She reminds herself it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Her illness is a sign of her humanity.

I despise people who think that compassion and tenderness and fear are signs of weakness. They are the greatest signs of strength in this world. It is so easy to judge someone who has seen and been through terrible things. It's so much harder to truly understand their grief or sorrow or pain. I understand this feeling all too well.

Trauma changes people. She should know.

“Who do you think you are?” Beverly snipes. “Hercule Poirot?”

Nice Agatha Christie reference

“I don’t know,” Riley repeats, more urgently. She’s in a strange place. Hell isn’t imaginary; it’s real. It’s a real place and it’s also a state of mind. And she can feel herself slipping into the pit, she can feel the fear taking over, the paranoia, the need to react. She doesn’t want that to happen. God, not here. Not now. She grabs Gwen’s hand tightly. “Stay with me,” she says.

Anyone who has ever had intrusive thoughts after a traumatic event can completely understand this feeling of isolation, of a lack of control over their emotions and how scary that can be. To know you are heading into a deep spiral and fearing your own reactions is terrifying in it's intensity.

She wonders if soon there will be no one left at all. She wants to live, but she hopes that if she has to die, she isn’t the last one.

She has survived this weekend only to take something ugly away with her—she’s learned that you never really know anyone else. That is terrifying. Because you can’t tell, can you? When she leaves here and goes back out into the world, she will think of everyone she meets as having the potential for evil deep inside.