Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power (A method for getting what you want by getting off on what you don't)

by Carolyn Elliott

We have all these unconscious desire-curiosities, and many of them are quite taboo and “wrong” according to the standard of our conscious mind. Some of these include the desire for scarcity and limitation, the desire to feel wronged, the desire to feel rejected, the desire to feel not good enough, the desire to feel offended. Even though these unconscious desires are met in our lives by circumstances and events, we tend to miss a crucial step: celebration of fulfillment. We don't usually allow ourselves to consciously experience a turned-on sense of fulfillment and joy when these desires are met, because we habitually deny having them in the first place. The longer we deny the fact that these dark, “fucked-up” desire-curiosities are a part of us, and that we enjoy their fulfillment, the more they continue to shape our lives. When we deliberately allow ourselves to gratefully feel, celebrate, and receive the fulfillment of our previously denied and disowned desires, we give those desires freedom. We give them space and light in which to evolve and change. For example: once I've realized that I'm fulfilling my previously unconscious desire to feel “not good enough” through various dramas in my life, and I go ahead and (madly, irrationally) celebrate the fulfillment of that dark desire that's happening in my dramas . . . . . . then that previously unconscious desire is free to morph into a desire to feel “good enough,” and I'm free to move on.