Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power (A method for getting what you want by getting off on what you don't)

by Carolyn Elliott

Probably the biggest barrier to “getting off” in Existential Kink is feeling so much guilt about an unconscious enjoyment that we tighten up and thus refuse to feel the enjoyment and make it conscious. With especially sticky unpleasant feelings, like guilt, it can be tough to feel the pure underlying, kinky desire for that feeling, but it can be simple to get in touch with the motivation for that feeling if only we're willing to investigate. And if you think about it, finding the motivation for something is quite similar to finding the desire for it. You see, every unpleasant feeling we have has an unconscious motivation. Some part of us believes that by feeling the yucky feeling, we'll “get” something that will enhance our survival.