In Unison: The Unfinished Story of Jeremy and Adrienne Camp

by Jeremy Camp

So we made a deal: Don’t say you’re okay when you’re not. Keep it simple and uncomplicated.

Part of the beauty of marriage is learning the ins and outs and good and bad of the one you love and walking through it with them.

We were protective of our tender new friendship. It was immensely precious to us—like nothing either of us had ever experienced—and we didn’t want anyone to mess with it or anything to disturb it.

Such unconditional love is not possible in human hearts, so God—who has never broken a covenant—is the best one to hold the couple together.

Marriage is unique. As you grow in your friendship and love, you realize how vulnerable you are to each other. You see all of me—physically, emotionally, spiritually. Will you still love me? Will you still cheer me on? We see each other’s worst, but if we stick around, we also get to see the best.

Remember, you are fighting alongside each other, against the enemy of your souls and your marriage. Your spouse is not the enemy. I repeat: Your spouse is not the enemy. What good can come from a conversation about how annoying your spouse is, or how much you think you have to put up with? Is there a better way to communicate what’s on your heart? Are you building up your marriage or tearing it down?

The sooner we realize that marriage is a journey, the better. You do not arrive at perfection the day you get married. This is a commitment to becoming best friends and traveling through the rest of life together.

A close friend told us about a concept called “the umbrella of mercy.” It simply means providing a safe place to openly discuss ideas and dreams without holding someone accountable or expecting the plans to come to fruition. It has been wonderful for us. It freed Jeremy to talk and dream without restraint, and it freed me from worrying he was going to pursue everything he was thinking about!

Sow life into your friendship, however you end up building it.

Are you asking God to change your spouse instead of your heart? Are you asking Him to take action on your loved one’s sin while ignoring the role you play in it? When you pray for your spouse in times of conflict or stretching, are you praying with wrong motives? Perhaps you have unrealistic expectations that the world says should be filled. It’s imperative to ask, “God, what are You showing me?”

Have you tried praying for a new and fresh love? Pray God will give you eyes to see your loved one the way He sees them. Ask Him to fill you anew with love and forgiveness like you’ve never had before—or with the respect you desperately need. You may have reached a point in your relationship where you’re having a hard time seeing anything good in each other, but the Father’s love never runs dry. He is an endless source of endurance and hope for every shortcoming you will ever see or have, and He will never stop loving you. He has grace for the rubs that have come and the ones that will.

It is not so true that “prayer changes things” as that prayer changes me and I change things. God has so constituted things that prayer on the basis of Redemption alters the way in which a man looks at things. Prayer is not a question of altering things externally, but of working wonders in a man’s disposition.

Prayer is meant to change us. It’s meant to nourish our souls. It’s meant for us to commune with the Lord so He can leave His divine imprint on us.

God began healing and knitting us together as we poured out our hearts to each other and carried each other’s burdens. Instead of routinely having the “How are you? I’m fine, thanks, and you?” conversation, we would ask each other, “How’s your heart?” It sounds cheesy, but it forced us to evaluate and respond on a deeper level. When someone asks you, “How’s your heart doing?” you have to stop and think about it. The question set a precedent for transparent communication between us.

Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne.” TIMOTHY KELLER7

protect yourself from misunderstandings when you’re tired and give each other time to unwind before addressing relational issues. Don’t presume you know how someone is taking a certain situation. Instead, ask what they are thinking. If you react off your presumption, you may be completely wrong and cause conflict for no reason. Believe the best about your spouse. Don’t be needy. Don’t be complicated.

Ask each other these questions, then talk about your answers. No judgment, no comparisons—just honesty and unconditional love. No matter how long you’ve been married, you’re sure to learn something about each other. What may contribute to your “getting up on the wrong side of the bed”? What’s one thing you wish I’d do more often? What’s one thing you wish I’d stop doing? What does a relaxing day spent with me look like to you? When and where do you feel the most peaceful? Do you need more or less “alone time”? Is there anything you’ve missed doing since we got married? Is there anything new you wish we would do together?

No matter whom you marry, you will have to deal with someone’s sinful human nature. Tend to your own marriage. Weed your own garden, prune your own trees, plant the perennials in your yard that will come back year after year—stronger, fuller, and more beautiful. Every hard winter makes the spring abundantly more beautiful. Every season you weather together will shape the two of you into one.

And it is just as impossible to undo. If we have flawed theology about who God is and don’t understand His nature and role in our marriages, then we ignore the very One who holds them together.