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I’m at the Meet Up and I kicked everyone out to smoke weed and think about you in peace. I miss you and I’m going to fuck you when I find you, my crazy belle. Oh, and my calls have started with the PI. I’m going to convince Ethan to file a missing person report. You’re going down. I fucking miss you, though.
I’m completely fine with Ronan finding me and punishing me and everything in between. Because the truth is, he’s not normal, and neither am I. And maybe, just maybe, that’s completely fine.
You know, I hate being alone. It’s when the demons come back and want to rage and burn the whole fucking place down.
Demons. For some reason, I suspected he had them, but I never thought they were real, I thought maybe I was projecting myself on him. Turns out, his demons are real; he just hides them so well you’d never even presume they’re there. I doubt the others know about their existence.
I stare back at him. A smile tilts his lips and scrunches his beautiful face — his stupid beautiful face that I can’t stop dreaming of.
The more he looks at my face, the harder it becomes to breathe. It’s like he’s confiscating my air, my sanity, and all my better judgment. He’s confiscating things and feelings he has no right to.
“So you’re here for me?” He says it with such wonder, as if he doesn’t believe it. “Don’t expect me to say it.” “You’re so fucking infuriating — do you know that?”
I don’t even remember the last time I was happy, or if happiness means just sitting on someone’s lap and having them palm your cheek. No, not someone. Him. Ronan.
He has a way of speaking with a command in his tone that turns me to putty in his hands. This is so wrong. And yet so right.
“And I want every last bit of your craziness.”
“You’re my little whore now, aren’t you, belle?” “I’m not a whore.” I try to argue, but my voice is too breathy, too lust-filled. “You’re my whore. Only mine.”
After all, the most painful scars are the invisible ones.
I’m falling hard and fast, and the only abyss is Ronan. Just Ronan. It’s the best abyss I didn’t know I needed.
“Mine. Only fucking mine,” he growls before he claims my lips in an animalistic kiss.
I trace a finger over her cheek and brush the black hair from her face to get a better view of her and commit her to memory.
I’ve always hated other people’s secrets, but hers are that forbidden fruit I can’t ignore, whose temptation I can’t resist.
Teal is the closest thing I’ve seen to fog. She’s there, but when you touch her, it’s almost as if she doesn’t exist.
I honestly have no interest in anyone else but her. It’s a first in my life, and that’s why I know it’s special. I’ve had non-special before. It was fun, but it was lonely. It always felt lonely afterwards. With Teal, it’s anything but.
her huge eyes staring up at me as if I hold the answers to the world’s problems in the palm of my hands. I never thought I would want someone to look at me like that until her.
There’s something about owning Teal, about being with her. Greed. Fucking greed. When it’s combined with lust, there’s absolutely no stopping it.
I fuck her fast and dirty like she’s my salvation, like she’s the only one I can have before the end of the fucking world.
I remain completely naked as I stand up and glare at him. Cole always had a voyeurism kink — amongst others. “Carry on.” He pauses. “Or should I have applauded first?”
“I’ll drive you,” I say. She cuts me a glare so harsh it’s like a knife. “Screw you.” And with that, she grabs her bag and doesn’t spare Cole a glance as she storms out of the Meet Up. I remain standing there, ignoring Cole’s smirk and my state of nakedness. All I can think about is the last look she gave me: anger mingled with disappointment. Merde.
Stupid tall people and their legs that go for miles.
“You think I haven’t noticed the way you look at him when he’s not paying attention?” Elsa sighs. “It’s like you want to engrave yourself on his skin.”
“He’s the same, you know. He looks at you like you’re the greatest and most fascinating riddle of all.”
Just how and when the hell did I start recognising his pain when I’ve been doing everything in my power to ignore mine? Even now, my feet are urging me to go to him, to hug him. Wait… Hug him? What the hell, Teal?
I don’t blush. Ever. Just like I don’t feel like hugging people, and yet I’ve been doing both of those things lately.
“You’re fucking me up, Teal,” he whispers against my head, his hot breaths tickling my hair. “Not as much as you are me.” There’s so much vulnerability in my voice, so much surrender, and for some reason, I don’t hate it. “I’m glad you’re here, my crazy but beautiful belle.”
I might not understand them that well — emotions, I mean — but I can see the meaning in the glint in his brown eyes. I can feel it in the way he touches me and hugs me like he wants to shield me from the world.
I’m that addict now, and if I don’t see him for a day, something feels so utterly wrong.
I like the idea that Ronan, who never acted possessive over anyone is this way with me. I probably shouldn’t, but I do.
My gaze slowly slides up his chest and to his deep brown eyes. There’s something calming about them, like the lullaby I never had.
“I’m only sure about one thing, and it’s you, Teal. I have no doubt you’ll get through this. Do you know why?” Something stings my eyes, and I refuse to believe it’s tears. “Why?” “Because you’re the strongest person I know.”
She’s bloody crazy, and her crazy is becoming my kink. I shouldn’t care about kink — or think about it — but Teal is turning everything against me. In a good way. In the best way imaginable.
The moment her eyes lock onto mine, it’s like the entire world has hushed into the background. There are no sounds, no colours, and no scents. There’s only her, the girl with odd preferences and a fucking attitude. But she’s also the girl who deeply cares but doesn’t know how to show it.
“I can’t keep up,” she pants. “We have to do something about your short legs.” I face her.
“You like how I go caveman for you, how I staked a claim on you in public and marked you as mine.”
My Teal doesn’t usually blush, but when she does, it’s like the world has turned red. She’s real even when she’s embarrassed.
She laughs, and the sound is so rare and feather-like I can’t resist stopping and facing her.
“Does that mean you only want me for my dick?” “Of course. You thought it was you?” “That sounds as if I’m your whore.” “You are, just like I’m yours.”
I never believed in magic, but I also never believed in feelings or in people. Now, I believe in Ronan.
“Thank you for existing, ma belle,” he whispers against my mouth, and I come then. I fall willingly, knowing there’s nothing that will hold me. But I’m wrong, there is something — or rather someone.
I lash out. That’s what I do when attacked, I attack back, and I’m venomous, like a fucking deadly snake who can never stop.
“I’m not interested.” If I know his pain, it’ll gut me to the point of no return. “Too bad, because you’re going to listen, Teal. You’re going to listen to the story of a boy who hates himself so much he needs other people in order to exist.”
“Here’s the thing, belle.” My voice drops. “Since you came into my life, I don’t need people anymore. I just need you.”
It might have started wrong, but she’s grown to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.
There’s a girl I left behind, a small child no older than seven who screamed for help and I didn’t hear her — or rather, I couldn’t. That girl, the seven-year-old me, wants retribution. No — she demands it. And I have to give it to her, even if a sacrifice has to be made.
I’ve never felt as open and as in danger as I do with him. I always thought people aside from my family would eventually leave. Not Ronan. Never Ronan.
The only consuming feelings I’ve ever had are for this boy who can make me laugh when I didn’t even know that I could.
