More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
“I said you could lose fifteen pounds and then you’d break all the boys’ hearts.” I glared at him. “How do you know I don’t break their hearts now?” Kind of like how I want to break your stupid face.
“You? A bear? You have, like, three chest hairs,” he said, reaching out to pull on one. It came off my bare chest almost immediately. “And this one’s a cat hair!” Which was weird because I don’t have a cat.
“You’re a homosexual?” I screeched at him, trying to put my shirt back on as quickly as I could. “I demand a straight doctor so he won’t judge me!”
(“We’re donating to the Salvation Army again for Christmas? They hate gay people! Those bell ringers are nothing but homophobic ex-junkie fascists in disguise! Why are we even donating to a religious organization at Christmas! Jesus was born in April!”).
“Those queen chasers think its sooo hot to see my makeup run when they nut on me. It gets them off even more, for some reason. I can’t stand it.” “But you do it?” She shrugged tightly. “Might as well. Helena likes herself some cock.”
You can’t call a drag queen hypocritical because they have two different personalities. It’s like Clark Kent becoming Superman. Except a whole lot gayer. Okay, actually, now that I think about it, it’s probably like Clark Kent becoming Superman and then going into the phone booth and stepping out as Wonder Woman. That’s pretty damn gay.
After all, one does not scream at lesbians in Doc Martens unless one wants to receive a penis kicking.
“Eric’s ass is so loose it sounds like wind blowing over a cave entrance when he walks.”
In my head, I’m the meanest bitch who ever walked the face of the earth.
“Well, you know what they say. When life hands you lemons—” “You’ll slice them to make lemonade, only to find you have miniscule little cuts on your hands and it causes it to sting really bad,” I finished for him. “Oh, and lemon juice squirts in your eye and blinds you for like twenty minutes.”
“You’re trying to avoid leaving a carbon footprint? And here I thought bicycles were just for tree-hugging hippie heterosexuals.”
“We all have to do our part to help avoid nocturnal emissions. The planet needs us.” I stared at him. “The planet needs us to avoid nocturnal emissions?” He nodded. “Nocturnal emissions are the number one cause for the hole in the ozone.”
I was immediately distracted by the fact that Vince was sitting shirtless on the edge of the bed, wearing only his biker shorts. It was right then that I believed in God. Dear God, I thought. Thank you for this bounty you have bestowed upon me. I will be your humble servant forever now because of this view. Love, Paul. P.S. He has a pierced nipple?
“Sometimes I wonder if you should be on medication,” Charlie said. “It can’t be healthy to have you thinking all by yourself without some kind of pharmaceutical intervention.”
