Shuggie Bain

by Douglas Stuart

He caught the reflection of his own eyes in the mirror. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t how real boys were built to be.

She was to take any little kindness he would give.

She had loved him, and he had needed to break her completely to leave her for good.

He felt something was wrong. Something inside him felt put together incorrectly. It was like they could all see it, but he was the only one who could not say what it was. It was just different, and so it was just wrong.

“So if your body doesn’t go to heaven, it doesn’t matter if another boy did something bad to it in a bin shed, right?”

Eugene was unwilling to admit defeat, and Agnes could imagine he was a man well used to being able to fix any object that was broken. It made her feel like an engine left corroding on a front lawn.

He could see she wasn’t at home in her own body.

“Then who will look after her?” “Well. She’ll have to look after herself.” “Then how will she ever get better?” Leek stopped his packing. He lowered himself on to one knee, so that he was looking up at Shuggie. His lips were moving silently, almost like he didn’t know quite where to start. “Don’t make the same mistake as me. She’s never going to get better. When the time is right you have to leave. The only thing you can save is yourself.”