Shuggie Bain

by Douglas Stuart

Shug had seen it before, those with least to give always gave the most.

“Why don’t we just go back to Sighthill?” Catherine would whisper. But Agnes couldn’t explain through the hurt. She knew he would never come back if she returned to her mother’s. She was to stay where she was dropped. She was to take any little kindness he would give.

She had loved him, and he had needed to break her completely to leave her for good. Agnes Bain was too rare a thing to let someone else love. It wouldn’t do to leave pieces of her for another man to collect and repair later.

He felt something was wrong. Something inside him felt put together incorrectly. It was like they could all see it, but he was the only one who could not say what it was. It was just different, and so it was just wrong.

“So if your body doesn’t go to heaven, it doesn’t matter if another boy did something bad to it in a bin shed, right?”

She’d looked as happy as he could ever remember, and he was surprised how this hurt. It was all for the red-headed man. He had done what Shuggie had been unable to do.

She was no use at maths homework, and some days you could starve rather than get a hot meal from her, but Shuggie looked at her now and understood this was where she excelled. Everyday with the make-up on and her hair done, she climbed out of her grave and held her head high. When she had disgraced herself with drink, she got up the next day, put on her best coat, and faced the world. When her belly was empty and her weans were hungry, she did her hair and let the world think otherwise.

“Don’t make the same mistake as me. She’s never going to get better. When the time is right you have to leave. The only thing you can save is yourself.”