Separation Anxiety

by Laura Zigman

It’s hard for me to believe those moments ever happened; that I was ever in the middle of all that love, and time, and possibility, and that now I’m not. Life eventually takes away everyone and everything we love and leaves us bereft. Is that its sad lesson? That’s the only explanation I have for why I now wear the dog; my version of magical thinking: little tiny cracks are forming inside me every day and only the dog is keeping me from coming apart completely.

these used to give me joy but don’t anymore, because they only remind me of what isn’t anymore.

Which had always seemed to me to be the loneliest feeling of all: having people around you who you could see but couldn’t ever reach.

Grief obliterates the present, forcing you to relive the past and dread the future.

Loss has made you afraid of life, but you have to stay open. Porous. You have to let all the available light—all the tiny shards of joy—still flow through you.” She closes her eyes. “Who knows what beauty the rest of the way will bring.”