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Maddox Coulter was still an asshole behind a pretty mask. And I was the stupid girl who fell in love with her best friend.
Berkshire Academy was a shark tank. You see, in Berkshire, only the strong survive. The weaker are preyed on, chewed up, and spit out like garbage.
Guys like Maddox would play with you, tear you apart, layer by layer, piece by piece and then lay you down – fragmented and empty -- because they took everything from you.
His deep voice rolled down my spine. “Don’t fall for me, Lila. I’ll break you.”
“Ah. So, you hate me because I stole your first kiss?” Was that what he thought? That little shit.
Maddox Coulter was more than Berkshire’s star quarterback. He was a complicated puzzle, and I wanted to tear him apart, layer by layer, so I could study him, delve into his soul and learn all his secrets.
“I'm not going to be your Knight because I know you aren't a damsel in distress. You’re more like the dragon in the fairy tale.”
Hate is a strong word. It’s a bitter but sweet fucking poison. It’s like cocaine, and once you’ve had a taste, it’s damn addictive. It becomes something more. It infiltrates your system, running through your veins, until you can’t see anything other than red rage. Hate kept me going. Rage kept me alive. It became the oxygen I breathed.
Breaking apart was hard. It stung with every breath taken. Recovering from it was the hardest.
“I solemnly swear not to be an asshole, but I’ll still think of sixty-nine ways of how I can dick you down every time you look at me or shake your ass my way.”
Lila Garcia just fucking friend-zoned me. Well, shit.
Maddox, my hero? She was mistaken. I was my own hero. I didn't need him to protect me or my family. I was my own protector in this story. Like Maddox once said, I didn't need a prince charming or a knight in shining armor.
I wasn’t Miss Popular; I wasn’t rich or the cheerleading captain… but the lack of these titles didn’t make me weak because I was no doormat. The next time they threatened the people I loved, I’d show them my teeth and claws.
“What are you doing?” I asked with caution. “Holding your hand.” His hand was warm and strong. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it, but I didn’t pull away. “Why?” His eyes briefly met mine before he went back to staring everyone else down. “Because I need the world to know they can’t mess with what’s mine.”
But somehow, Lila Garcia became more than just my prey. She was someone I wanted to protect. From the world. From me.
Maddox: What’s green and sits crying in the corner? Me: Bye. Maddox: The Incredible Sulk. C’mon, admit it. This one is funny. Me: Ha. Ha. Ha. G’night.
I realized Maddox Coulter was a little bit ruined, a little bit messy, a little bit broken -- a beautiful disaster. Like me.
Maddox was out of his mind: too careless, too reckless, too foolish. But he was the chaos to the perfect world I had built around me – a world where I kept my heart carefully guarded. Miss Perfectionist, he liked to say. Hmph. Maddox made my world a little bit less… perfect.
“She’s been hurting for a long time.” That… hurt. Right there, in my fucking chest.
She was the calm in my reckless life. I was the chaos in her peaceful one.
Lila was meant to hold my broken pieces together; just as I was meant to hold the shattered pieces of hers. No, she didn’t fix me, and I didn’t fix her. We just… held each other; it was that simple.
“Now, I have someone to lose, and I know it will break me. I know what it means to fear losing the person who means the most to you. That person has the power to destroy me.”
Love was too simple of a word to describe it because love was black and white. Love or don’t love – there was not really an in-between. What we had… it was a kaleidoscope of colors.
Lila Garcia straightened her own crooked crown because she didn’t need anyone else to do it for her. Lila let me in, not because she needed me. It was because she wanted me – as a friend, a companion and a partner.
I didn’t need a girlfriend. Lila Garcia was already the best thing in my life.
“I thought we were supposed to lick the ones we love. I licked you, so you’re mine.” I blew out an exasperated breath before hissing. “Are you a dog?” Maddox paused, as if he really was thinking about my question. And then he shrugged. “Doggy style is my favorite position to fuck. And I’m also your Poodle.”
The past five days had been sweet torture. Sweet because I spent every waking hour with Maddox. Torture because I spent every waking hour with Maddox.
“If I love you, I give you the power to destroy me. I’m not strong enough for that. I can’t be just another girl to you, Maddox. I need to be more; I deserve more, and I don’t think you can give that. I can’t risk us and what we are. We’re beautiful… just like this. Friends.”
I wanted to cherish this moment, so afterward, years later, when Maddox and I had been torn apart by our unspoken feelings, I’d remember what it felt like to be this close to him.
Maddox Coulter was still an asshole behind a pretty mask. And I was the stupid girl who fell in love with her best friend.
“If there’s a God, He doesn’t want me to be happy. Maybe it’s my fault because I pushed you into the arms of another man. But He won’t let me have you even though I begged him to let me love you freely. I can’t remember the last time I asked Him for something. I guess... I’m not meant to have what I want. My parents. A family. You. You. You,”
Maybe that was all we were or could ever be: an incomplete sentence and a story without an ending.
