I knew of no way to say No, I’m not interested, that would not be inflammatory, and so there was nothing to say. There was no work words could do for me, and so I had no words. Usually I’d look down, say nothing, avoid eye contact, do my best to be as absent, unobtrusive, insignificant as possible—invisible as well as inaudible—since I was afraid of that escalation. Even my eyes had to learn deferential limits. I erased myself as much as possible, because to be was to be a target.
