The Code of the Extraordinary Mind: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed On Your Own Terms

by Vishen Lakhiani

I feel excited about my future, knowing even better things are always on their way.

It turns out that our brains are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative or even neutral, but when they are positive. Yet in today’s world, we ironically sacrifice happiness for success only to lower our brain’s success rates. —SHAWN ACHOR, THE HAPPINESS ADVANTAGE

1. Happiness from Special and Unique Experiences This is the happiness that comes from unique human experiences. There’s the heart-pounding bliss of incredible sex. The fist-pumping elation of winning a sports game. The chest-thumping excitement of closing a major deal. The mind-bending bliss of ecstatic experiences, chemically induced or otherwise. This bliss is powerful—present moment and short-lived. Sometimes there’s a crash or letdown afterward as your brain chemistry descends from this high. In small doses, it’s fantastic, but it can be distracting, addictive, and potentially destructive. If we were hooked up to instant bliss machines that pumped this chemistry through us 24/7, civilization would cease to progress (and we’d be too blissed-out to care). Happiness from unique experiences is a kind of short-term happiness—but it can’t be the only kind. 2. Happiness from Growth and Awakening While bliss from experiences is wonderful, there’s a second type of happiness. It’s more rare but seems to be more enduring. It’s the happiness advocated by spiritual practitioners and transcendent practices. I call it happiness from growth and awakening. This type of happiness comes from reaching higher states of consciousness. People seek awakening in many different ways—from mindfulness practices to spiritual paths and practices of all kinds. The millions who pursue some type of spiritual path show how important this level of happiness is to human beings. 3. Happiness from Meaning...

Studies show that each of us has a particular level of happiness that we tend to return to after things happen, good or bad. Researchers call this phenomenon hedonic adaptation. While hedonic adaptation can help insulate us from being forever flattened by tragedy, it can mean that even the joy of hugely positive events doesn’t stick with us for long. We humans are so good at adapting that we adapt to whatever has happened and then continue along in life.

UNFUCKWITHABLE: When you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself. Nothing anyone says or does bothers you and no negativity can touch you.

Giving is the path for doing this. I believe that the only currency that truly matters in an uncertain world is the kindness and generosity passed from one human being to another.

Law 7: Live in Blissipline. Extraordinary minds understand that happiness comes from within. They begin with happiness in the now and use it as a fuel to drive all their other visions and intentions for themselves and the world.

End goals are about experiencing love, traveling around the world being truly happy, contributing to the planet because doing so gives you meaning, and learning a new skill for the pure joy of it.

END GOALS ARE ABOUT FOLLOWING YOUR HEART. Time flies when you’re pursuing them. You may work hard toward these goals, but you feel it’s worth it. They remind you of how fantastic it is to be human. When you’re working on an end goal, it doesn’t feel like “work.” You could be doing it for hours on end, but it genuinely makes you happy or gives you meaning. You don’t need to step away to get “recharged.” Working on the end goal itself recharges you—it doesn’t drain you. For example, for me, writing this book is an end goal. It’s so much fun that I’d do it even if I never got paid. 2. END GOALS ARE OFTEN FEELINGS. To be happy, to be in love, to consistently feel loving, to consistently feel joyous are all very good end goals. A diploma, an award, a big business deal, or other achievements can certainly bring good feelings, but they are not end goals UNLESS you’re happy AS you’re pursuing them—in other words, unless the act of studying for your diploma or closing the business deal itself brings you happiness. End goals have happiness baked into the pursuit.

Law 8: Create a vision for your future. Extraordinary minds create a vision for their future that is decidedly their own and free from expectations of the culturescape. Their vision is focused on end goals that strike a direct chord with their happiness.

When I achieve this goal, I will be able to __, __, __, [etc.]. 3. Answer this question exhaustively, until you have no more answers: When I achieve all this, I will feel __, __, __ [etc.]. 4. Identify the true underlying objectives of your goal, based on your answers to questions 2 and 3. 5. Compare these objectives with the original goal and ask: ■ Is this original goal the only way/best way to achieve these objectives? ■ Is this original goal enough to achieve them? ■ Can I achieve them in a more effective way?

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path; and that will make all the difference.

When you ask the Three Most Important Questions right, you’re “believing that the dots will connect down the road.” You will start noticing and discovering the paths that bring you closer and closer to where you want to be. Scientists may call this one thing (such as the brain’s reticular activating system); mystics may call it another (the universe, God, fate, synchronicity, the law of attraction, or thoughts create reality). Steve Jobs calls it “your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.” I call it the extraordinary mind. Use this weapon wisely.

HOW TO BE A SPIRITUAL BADASS There is a great myth in spirituality today: that in order to be spiritual, we must resign ourselves from the world. In other words, to be spiritual, one must avoid big goals, ambitions, and wealth. Rubbish. I believe the most spiritual people in the world today are those who are doing things to push the human race forward.

Unfuckwithable: A Definition When you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself. Nothing anyone says or does bothers you and no negativity can touch you.

Law 9: Be unfuckwithable. Extraordinary minds do not need to seek validation from outside opinion or through the attainment of goals. Instead, they are truly at peace with themselves and the world around them. They live fearlessly—immune to criticism or praise and fueled by their own inner happiness and self-love.

There is nothing more attractive than a person who loves himself or herself so deeply that their positive energy and love spill over to others and to the world.

This is the power of becoming focused on the present. It takes your mind off whatever stress, fear, judgment, anger, or frustration you’re having with the world or the people in it—and it forces you to remember who you are and to be present in the now.

The next time you feel an apparent urge to lose your cool, or you feel judged, insulted, or hurt by a loved one, remember to be present. This quick mental hack to autocorrect your mental state can instantly pull you out of stress and anxiety and return you to happiness in the now. Sonia suggests that the way to do this is to draw your mind to any color, texture, or object you see in front of you. And then go deep with your observation. You might observe the color of the table and the patterns of the wood before you. Or the odors you smell and sounds you hear. For some reason, this act causes a sudden drop in anxiety and other negative feelings. To amplify the effect, focus on your breathing, too.

If you sit on the couch all day and do nothing, it is precisely because you don’t think you’re enough. You’re afraid. You’re afraid of failure. You’re afraid of rejection. You’re afraid that those things will be proof positive that you indeed are not enough. So you do nothing. Marisa continued: But if you believe that you’re enough, that’s when you take action. That’s when you go out and try something new. That’s when you apply for that job you really want. That’s when you ask for that raise. Because you’re enough. And even if you fail, you won’t take rejection personally because it’s not you—you ARE enough—so it must be your methods or your approach or skill or whatever—and because you know you’re enough, you know you can then improve those methods and skills and your approaches and then try again.

Kensho is a gradual process that often happens through the tribulations of life. A relationship breaks up, but you learn from it and your heart becomes more resilient. You lose a business, but you use the hard-earned wisdom to start your next one. You lose your job, but you learn who you are beyond your career. You suffer a health problem, but you discover personal reserves you didn’t know you had. Kensho is the universe giving you tough love.

In contrast, Dr. Beckwith defines satori moments as big insights that happen suddenly and change you forever. They can happen anytime, anywhere—while you’re out in nature, listening to music or seeing inspiring art, holding hands with a loved one, quietly contemplating, or being in a personal growth situation, such as with a therapist, teacher, or healer. Once you’ve had a satori moment, the stuff that used to scare you or hold you back is left in the dust. You’ve leveled up and can operate on a whole new plane. If you were to plot your growth as quality of life over time, satori moments would look like sudden bursts upward, while kensho moments would start with a dip and then shoot upward as you recover and then assimilate your new learnings.

Dr. Beckwith once shared with me this little wisdom-bomb during an interview: Behind every problem, there’s a question trying to ask itself. Behind every question, there’s an answer trying to reveal itself. Behind every answer, there’s an action trying to take place. And behind every action, there’s a way of life trying to be born. That new way of life trying to be born is your calling.

Emily is saying that when a mission needs to manifest, the universe (or, as she calls it, nature) may knock on your door and bless you with that intuition. But it’s up to you to jump on it. If you don’t, the universe will move on to the next person. The universe doesn’t care who’s going to change the world. It just wants someone who’ll seize the idea and run with it.

Extraordinary people feel a unique connectedness and kinship to all life. 2. Extraordinary people are open to intuitive insights they attain through this connection. 3. Extraordinary people allow their intuition to lead them to a vision that pulls them forward. 4. As extraordinary people serve this calling, the universe blesses them with luck.

Don’t worry about the HOW. Start with the WHAT and the WHY. When you know what you want to bring forth in the world and WHY you want it, choose it. Then take whatever action intuition guides you toward taking.

At this level, you wake up every day excited about what you’re working on. It may be your day job, or it may be a volunteer project or a venture you’re working to get off the ground. Whatever it is, the calling to serve is strong. It drives you. It lights a fire under your ass to move. In the old paradigm of goals, you needed motivation to go after your goals. A whole industry of motivational tools has been born to support such efforts. But motivation is only needed when you’re chasing a Brule—a means goal. When you chase end goals, especially end goals related to your calling, you no longer need to be “motivated.” Instead, you are PULLED by your vision.

Law 10: Embrace your quest. Extraordinary minds are motivated by a quest or calling—a drive to create some positive change in the world. This drive propels them forward in life and helps them to gain meaning and make a meaningful contribution.

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

The point of meditation is not to get good at meditation. The point of meditation is to get GOOD AT LIFE…. And if we go into this thinking that the point of meditation is to get good at life—not to get good at meditation, and if we accept the reality that no one can give their mind a command to stop, then it’s so much more innocent, so much more playful, and so much more enjoyable. Trying to give your mind a command to stop thinking is as effective as giving your heart a command to stop beating—it doesn’t work.

1. COMPASSION. I believe that all human beings need love and compassion in their lives. This phase is about helping you be kinder toward others and kinder toward yourself. It’s a powerful self-love tool. 2. GRATITUDE. We may have many goals, but it’s important to appreciate and be happy about what we’ve accomplished thus far. Gratitude has a high correlation with well-being and happiness. 3. FORGIVENESS. Being at peace with the world and the people around you is one of the most effective ways to maintain Blissipline. Plus, it makes you unfuckwithable. 4. FUTURE DREAMS. As you learned in chapters 7 and 8, it’s hugely energizing to have a vision pulling you forward—a picture of how you want your life to unfold in the future. 5. THE PERFECT DAY. This phase gives you a sense of control over how life unfolds every day. It translates your future dreams into actionable steps. 6. THE BLESSING. We need to feel supported, resting in the knowledge that whatever big projects we’re setting out to do, things are going to be okay. This phase is about making you feel safe and supported in your quest.

When I’m visualizing my future life, I think three years ahead, and I suggest you do the same in this phase. And whatever you see three years ahead—double it. Because your brain will underestimate what you can do. We tend to underestimate what we can do in three years and overestimate what we can do in one year.

Knowing what you want your life to look like three years from now, what do you need to do today to make this happen? This phase brings you to your perfect day—today—and you can see how you’d like your day to unfold: starting your morning alert and excited, having a great meeting with amazing colleagues, feeling full of ideas, nailing that presentation, meeting up with friends after work, having a delicious dinner with your mate, playing with your kid before bed. When you see your perfect day unfolding, you’re priming your brain’s reticular activating system (RAS) to notice the positives. The RAS is that component of your brain that helps you notice patterns.

You’re training your brain to ignore the negative and embrace the positive. You don’t have to change the world. You just have to change what you pay attention to in the world. And that, it turns out, is hugely powerful.

Phase 6: The Blessing You can do this final phase no matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are. If you believe in a higher power, you imagine that you can tap into it, call upon it, and feel the energy of this higher power flowing down into you, through your head and all the way to your toes—you feel loved and supported. That’s it. It takes thirty seconds. If you don’t believe in a higher power, you can imagine that you’re rebooting yourself, fine-tuning yourself, or calling on your inner strength. Likewise, you feel this energy coursing through you. You’re now ready to hit the ground running to pursue your quest.

STEP 1 IS SET THE SCENE. Bring to mind the scene or image where you will do the forgiveness exercise. For example, when I was forgiving myself for a bad business decision that cost me millions, I imagined seeing a younger version of myself facing me in my office from 2005. STEP 2 IS FEEL THE ANGER AND PAIN. For no more than two minutes (it’s okay to estimate), allow yourself to feel the pain and anger. It’s even okay to yell or pound a pillow. Let the emotions out, but don’t spend too long on this. STEP 3 IS FORGIVE INTO LOVE. Practice asking the questions I mentioned in Chapter 7: What did I learn from this? How did this situation make my life better? Also remember the idea of “hurt people, hurt people.” Ask: What could have happened in the past to this person to cause them to hurt me so? As you start asking these questions, you learn to see the situations from another’s perspective. The forgiveness may not come from one session, but no matter how grave the wrongdoing, the forgiveness can come. It just takes practice.

Phase 4: Future Dreams Remember your answers to the Three Most Important Questions from Chapter 8? Here you start making use of them. Bring up one to three items from your list of answers. Now just allow yourself to daydream. See yourself having the experiences, growth, and ability to contribute that you wrote on your list. Remember to take a longer-term view—I suggest three years. Bring in emotions. Emotions are key. If you’re seeing yourself visiting a new country, imagine the awe and excitement you would feel from making such a journey. Or imagine the pride and accomplishment you might feel as you easily pick up a new skill.

Phase 5: The Perfect Day Here you start with a simple question: In order for me to start achieving the items on my Three Most Important Questions list, what should I be doing today? Now think of your day unfolding—the commute, the morning huddle with your team, your noon assignment, then that lunch meeting…all the way to wrapping up at work, coming home, and meditating or reading before going to bed. For each of these tiny slices of your day, imagine the moment unfolding perfectly. Author Esther Hicks suggests that if you’re prone to skepticism or negative thoughts, start with the phrase, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if ______________”. For example, ask yourself: Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I had a stress-free commute, listening to my favorite songs?

Phase 6: The Blessing Here you imagine that there’s a higher power ready to support you on your quest. It doesn’t matter if you’re an atheist or what religion you subscribe to. Your higher power could be your cultural or mythological god, your saints or prophets, or even a spiritual or angelic being. If you’re an atheist, your higher power may simply be your own inner reserves of strength and fortitude. Feel this higher power flow from the top of your scalp down over your forehead, eyes, face, neck, shoulders, arms, abdomen, hips, thighs, legs, and feet. Imagine yourself protected and surrounded by a force that’s ready to protect you and keep you on the right path to your dreams.