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March 10 - March 21, 2019
I think it’s possible for ordinary people to choose to be extraordinary.
bulls**t rules or Brules that should have expired generations ago but that still infect our lives.
When you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact. That is—everything around you that you call life was made up by people no smarter than you. And you can change it. You can influence it. . . . Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.
One of the keys to being extraordinary is knowing what rules to follow and what rules to break. Outside the rules of physics and the rules of law, all other rules are open to questioning.
The world of absolute truth is fact-based. The world of the culturescape is opinion-based and agreement-based. Yet even though it exists solely in our heads, it is very, very real.
Safety is overrated; taking risks is much less likely to kill us than ever before, and that means that playing it safe is more likely just holding us back from the thrills of a life filled with meaning and discovery.
Give me the thrill and excitement of the unsafe, rule-breaking, dogma-questioning life anytime over the boring unfolding of a safe life.
“When I was just starting out, I walked into Netscape to get a job. I just sat in the lobby holding my résumé, waiting quietly for someone to talk to me. No one did. I waited and waited.” Elon mentioned that he had no idea what protocol to follow. He just waited, hoping someone would come and invite him for an interview. “But no one spoke to me,” he said. “So I said: ‘Fuck it! I’ll just start my own company.’” The world was forever changed that day.
Law 1: Transcend the culturescape. Extraordinary minds are good at seeing the culturescape and are able to selectively choose the rules and conditions to follow versus those to question or ignore. Therefore, they tend to take the path less traveled and innovate on the idea of what it means to truly live.
The dips contain amazing learnings and wisdom that lead to sharper rises in the quality of life afterward.
Wow, this sucks! I can’t wait to see what I’m going to learn here!
If you can’t win, change the rules. If you can’t change the rules, ignore them.
The evidence shows that we inherit and transmit behaviours, emotions, beliefs, and religions not through rational choice but contagion.
We think we’re making a rational decision. But often, the decision has little to do with rationality and more to do with ideas our family, culture, and peers have approved.
Brule: A Definition A Brule is a bulls**t rule that we adopt to simplify our understanding of the world.
A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both.
Law 2: Question the Brules. Extraordinary minds question the Brules when they feel those Brules are out of alignment with their dreams and desires. They recognize that much of the way the world works is due to people blindly following Brules that have long passed their expiration date.
Place your happiness first. Only when you’re happy can you truly give your best to others—in society, in relationships, in your family and community.
If the mind is so powerful that it can actually change health based on a changed perspective, imagine what that could mean about the mind’s power to control our mood, our self-confidence, our happiness, and everything else that determines the quality of our time here on Earth.
Law 3: Practice consciousness engineering. Extraordinary minds understand that their growth depends on two things: their models of reality and their systems for living. They carefully curate the most empowering models and systems and frequently update themselves.
Everything you study in personal growth will either be a model (a new belief about money, for example) or a system (say, a new exercise or diet routine). These things cling to the two big branches.
YOUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP. This is the measure of how happy you are in your current state of relationship—whether you’re single and loving it, in a relationship, or desiring one.
YOUR FRIENDSHIPS. This is the measure of how strong a support network you have. Do you have at least five people who you know have your back and whom you love being around?
YOUR ADVENTURES. How much time do you get to travel, experience the world, and do things that open you to new experiences and excitement?
YOUR ENVIRONMENT. This is the quality of your home, your car, your work, and in general the spaces where you spend your time—even when traveling.
YOUR HEALTH AND FITNESS. How would you rate your health, given your age, and any physical conditions?
YOUR INTELLECTUAL LIFE. How much and how fast are you growing and learning? How many books do you read? How many seminars or courses do you take yearly? Education should not stop after you graduate from college.
YOUR SKILLS. How fast are you improving the skills you have that make you unique and help you build a successful career? Are you growing toward mastery or are you stagnating?
YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE. How much time do you devote to spiritual, meditative, or contemplative practices that keep you feeling connected, balanced, and peaceful?
YOUR CAREER. Are you growing, climbing the ladder, and excelling? Or do you feel you’re stuck in a rut? If you have a business, is it thriving or stagnating?
YOUR CREATIVE LIFE. Do you paint, write, play musical instruments, or engage in any other activity that helps you channel your creativity? Or are you more of a consumer than a creator?
YOUR FAMILY LIFE. Do you love coming home to your family after a hard day’s work? If you’re not married or a parent, define your family as your parents and siblings.
YOUR COMMUNITY LIFE. Are you giving, contributing, and playing a definite role in your community?
Our beliefs are like unquestioned commands, telling us how things are, what’s possible and impossible and what we can and cannot do. They shape every action, every thought, and every feeling that we experience. As a result, changing our belief systems is central to making any real and lasting change in our lives.
LESSON 1: Our models of reality lie below the surface. Often we do not realize we have them until some intervention or contemplative practice makes us aware.
LESSON 2: We often carry disempowering models of reality that we inherited as far back as childhood.
LESSON 3: When you replace disempowering models of reality with empowering ones, tremendous changes can occur in your life at a very rapid pace.
Law 4: Rewrite your models of reality. Extraordinary minds have models of reality that empower them to feel good about themselves and powerful in shifting the world to match the visions in their minds.
My session with Marisa shattered my Brules that only those who suffer make good teachers and that my visibility and success could hurt me or others.
“No matter what you do, in any situation with your child, ask yourself, What beliefs is my child going to take away from this encounter? Will your child walk away thinking: I just made a mistake and I learned something great or I’m insignificant?”
“Billy, what happened? What was the consequence? What can you learn from this?”
YOUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP. How do you define love? What do you expect from a love relationship, both to receive and to give? Do you believe love brings hurt? Do you believe love can endure? Do you believe you have the capacity to love greatly? Do you believe you deserve to be loved and treasured?
YOUR FRIENDSHIPS. How do you define friendship? Do you believe that friendships can be long lasting? Do you believe your friends take more from you than they give? Do you believe making friends is easy or hard?
YOUR ADVENTURES. What’s your idea of an adventure? Is it about travel? Physical activity? Art and culture? Urban or rural sights and sounds? Seeing how people live in places totally different from yours? Are you making time and space for adventure in your life? Do you believe you need to save for retirement before taking a long trip? Would you feel guilty if you left your job or your family to take a holiday by yourself? Do you think that spending money on experiences (such as skydiving) is frivolous?
YOUR ENVIRONMENT. Where do you feel happiest? Are you content with where and how you live? How do you define “home”? What aspects of your environment are most important to you (colors, sounds, type of furniture, proximity to nature or culture, neatness, level of convenience/luxury items, etc.)? Do you believe you deserve a gorgeous home, to stay in five-star hotels when you travel, and to work in great environments?
YOUR HEALTH AND FITNESS. How do you define physical health? How do you define healthy eating? Do you believe you’re genetically inclined toward obesity or any other health issues? Do you believe you’ll live as long as or longer than your parents? Do you believe you’re aging well or poorly?
YOUR INTELLECTUAL LIFE. How much are you learning? How much are you growing? How much control do you have over your mind and your daily thoughts? Do you believe you have adequate intelligence to accomplish your goals?
YOUR SKILLS. What do you consider something you’re “good” at? And what not so much? Where did those perceptions come from? What holds you back from learning new things? Are there some skills you’re ready to let go of? What keeps you from making the change? What special abilities and character traits do you have that you feel are most valuable? What do you feel you “suck” at?
YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE. What type of spiritual values do you believe in? How do you practice them and how often? Is spirituality a social or individual experience for you? Are you stuck in models of culture and religion that hold little appeal but that you’re afraid to abandon for fear of hurting others?
