In the moment of conflict or tension, we are likely to feel put down, even guilty for just being ourselves. But this is about our own pain; the message we are receiving is triggering a cluster of responses we have carried around since we were young. A dominant father used to make us feel insignificant, and as an adult we find that anytime someone – particularly an older male – suggests we are useless, we are flung back to the feelings of that pained child. We are hearing a frustrated expression of suffering from this other person and in the blink of an eye making it about our own afflictions.
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