You Can't Catch Me

by Catherine McKenzie

I’m one of those people who arrives way too early for flights and stresses until they’re through the security line. Laugh at me if you want; I’ve never missed a plane.

I should delete my account, but I take perverted pleasure in how mad I’ve made so many people.

Yum. Bring on the sulfites.

I like this Jessica so far.

I was brought up in a cult, and reading, writing, and arithmetic weren’t high on the list of Todd’s priorities.

Just casually toss that in there lol

Having your bank account drained isn’t something most people would take in stride. It’s even worse when the account in question contains your hard-won six-figure severance package.

It’s a neighborhood bar in a neighborhood in which I’ve been mostly anonymous. No one here knows my name.

So much for Cheers

“I’m both nervous and excited. I’m nercited.”

Yep, definitely like her.

I was holding a ripe tomato and trying to resist the temptation to eat it right there like an apple.

I did that every summer growing up

“I think we’re going to feel bad enough about ourselves if we eat everything we ordered.”

Ah, yes dinner and a side of food shaming.

the man is wearing a wedding band, tight on his fat finger,

Sure, he's a cheater so he's clearly also gotten fat since he got married.

She doesn’t fuck around. But that’s okay. I don’t either.

It’s a thousand million calories,

No, no it's not. Ugh.

My brain is a prison I have trouble escaping sometimes.

#truth

However much I might try to pretend or forget, she was my mother. And I was her daughter.

“You think I don’t know what it’s like to leave a cloistered life and get out into the real world?” “I didn’t mean—” “Right. Whatever. You never do.”