Billy’s words would often rise to the surface, reminding me to see the God within. I wanted to, but none of what I was learning fully landed in my heart the way I hoped it would. For Billy, love was inclusive; God resided within all. It made sense to me intellectually, but I heartily rejected any kind of relationship with any kind of God, especially the one I had implored for years not to hurt the people I loved. This push-pull confused me. I wanted connection, and, at the same time, I rejected connection.
