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Damn kids… All sex-crazed like a bunch of horny squirrels. Not under my roof! Wow… you sound OLD.
I didn’t know if he had been looking at me, and just happened to look away right before I turned… But what really bothered me was that I was even thinking about whether he was looking at me or not. It was pretty strange.
I should have been in bed in my own room, but I was too convinced that the stranger staying in my house was railing my daughter and laughing about it behind my back. So I decided against rational decisions and went upstairs to see if I could hear anything.
This whole no sex under her parents’ roof thing was proving more difficult than I had anticipated. I think it was because it was explicitly against the rules. That forbidden stuff was always hot for some reason.
I watched in fascination as he brought the glass to his lips and took a sip, eyeing me over the rim, waiting for me to do the same which I did, basically on command. I felt so cool. Like we were Mad Men, or something.
“Meeting the family for the first time at the holidays is like a suicide mission.”
I just didn’t want to disappoint her father. For whatever reason, he had really gotten into my head.
was never anything in particular that kept me up. My job was good. My house was great. My marriage worked. My daughter was smart and driven, and safe. My friends were morons, but they were entertaining sometimes. Really there was nothing much to complain about. Actually, there was nothing at all to complain about… My life was so utterly perfect that sometimes it just set my teeth on edge.
It appeared that I had found my excitement. And I had never felt more alive.
Maybe tonight was the end… Maybe it was just the beginning.
I had sworn to protect that girl from anything that meant to cause her harm. I just never knew that it would be me who hurt her.
I wanted to tell him I had the most amazing weekend of my entire life, and that no matter what my brain was telling me, I could never forget about it. Sure, meeting and hooking up with Ben changed my world and confused me down to my core, making me question everything I ever thought I knew about my sexuality and the way I love. But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He brought out a side of me I didn’t know existed. I had never felt more alive than I did with Ben, and while it was seriously fucked up what we had done, in so many ways, it was also pretty fucking wonderful.
It was selfish, irresponsible and downright stupid. But it was real, and raw, and honest.
I love this girl. I really do… In so many ways we’re perfect for each other. But is that enough? Could I really be with her forever? Make her happy… forever? Or would I just ultimately hurt her, like everyone hurts everyone, because we’re all just self-serving narcissistic pieces of shit?
I loved her a lot, but I realized that my feelings for her were more of a treasuring kind of love, not a passionate, can’t-live-without-you love. I truly cherished her. In my eyes, she was like an angel, or a goddess or something. And I was just a fucked up monster who hurt her… without her knowing about it, of course.
You didn’t ruin me, Ben Lockwood. If anything, you made me better.”
“No matter what happened… Or what does happen… My love for you is here to stay. And so am I. I’m not going anywhere. Ever. You’re stuck with me, Mrs. Lockwood.”
She was so much smaller than me; it was like I was being scolded by a garden gnome.
“Friends don’t let friends drink and dial,” she said pointedly,
“I’m not in love,” I pretended to gag. “I just… I don’t know…” I shrugged. “He makes me feel things in my stomach. Like, twisty things. And he’s so bossy and scary but like in a cute way. And… he’s just so pretty to look at.”
he smirked, that cocky fucking thing that made me want to smack him on the ass.
I already knew there was something different about Ryan. I had picked up on it when we first met, and it just continued to build after we started hooking up. He had a lot of really wonderful qualities, outside of the physical, that drew me to him.
My wife was one-of-a-kind. The most amazing woman on earth.
To merely be in his presence was like a high of its own.
Jesus, do they not know about lube?! They havent used it once. Just some spit and a prayer
The only two people I cared about in that moment were Jess and Ryan. My woman, and my man.
It clearly wasn’t just about sex. I was afraid to admit it out loud, but I knew it was much more than that.
I guess orgasms bring people together.
I deserve to be happy, too.
I had fallen in love with a woman. And then I fell in love with a man. But I didn’t identify as anything other than me. Benjamin Michael Lockwood. Wasn’t that enough?
Life was way too short… Too short to spend it on regrets and wondering what if.
love you exactly the way you are. All your flaws and imperfections and quirks that just make you so fucking perfect.”
Don’t let your happiness rely on other people.”
“I missed being with you. And the way you made me feel just by being next to me. When you came to the hotel that night, in your car… I had never felt that before. I never knew that I had been missing something until I was back with you, and you were making me whole.”
My feelings for you were always there, since the first day we met. You were a part of me, already. And I knew I had to do something so we could be together.”
“My love for you is so… different than my love for Jessica. It’s hard to explain. It’s just a feeling, in my heart. Jess is like my rock. She grounds me and keeps me going. She’s like my lifeline. If I didn’t have her, I’m sure I wouldn’t survive. She’s a part of me. But you… you’re the other part. The part that’s so real, it’s almost like we were made from the same stuff. The first time I kissed you, I felt like my soul was on fire. I’ve never felt something so strong before… shy of maybe the first time I held Hailey in my arms.”
“I can’t wait to explore the world with you, and Jess. The three of us have something so special together, it’s almost terrifying, because if anything ever took you two away from me, I’m sure I would die. You both are my heart and soul. That’s how much I love you, Ryan Harper. You’ve made me… complete.”
“You’re everything I’ve always dreamed being in love could feel like.”
Fate gave us a push, and it made us whole.
