Bakemonogatari, Part 1 (Bakemonogatari, #1, Part 1)

by NisiOisiN

“Huh, I see,” Senjogahara muttered, sounding disappointed. “I was planning on trying all sorts of things on you if I got the chance. Too bad.” “From the sound of it, some very grotesque planning was going on behind my back…” “How rude. I was only going to &% your /- before *^ing it.” “What do those symbols mean?!”

“I might not look it with my clothes on, but actually, my body might not be worth breaking the law to make yours.” “……” It seemed that Miss Hitagi Senjogahara hewed to the highest notions of chastity. “Was that too roundabout for you? Then let me say it flat-out. If you lay bare your base instincts and rape me, I will do anything and everything in my power to pay you back slash-fiction style.” “……” As for shame and modesty, she had none at all. Actually, she was just plain scary.

“About the crab,” I explained, “that guy Oshino said it can also be a rabbit or a beautiful woman. That’s what I was talking about. People in Japan see rabbits in the moon, while in other countries they say it’s a crab or a person’s face.” Well, it’s not that I see anything of the sort, but that’s how the story goes.

“Let’s compare test percentiles. Ninety-ninth for me.” “Guh…” She beat me to the punch. “Th-Thirty-fifth for me…” “So zero, if you round.” “What?! Liar, a five gets… Wait, are you rounding by the tens?! How dare you do that to my percentile!” She had more than sixty percentage points on me, she was beating a dead horse! “I don’t feel victorious until I’m up by a hundred points.” “You’d round yours by the tens, too…” Merciless. “So from now on, I don’t want you coming within a 20,000-kilometer radius of me.” “Did you just order me off the face of the Earth?!”

“You have to work hard to stay in love? I don’t know─I wouldn’t call that insincere, but it doesn’t feel very sincere to me either. Having to work hard to love something─it’s like you’re making a conscious effort to make it happen.” “But, Mister Araragi,” Hachikuji insisted, “isn’t the feeling that we call love a very conscious thing?” “…Yeah, I guess.” She was right. Maybe it was─something deserving of work, of effort.

“I should tell you this up front, Araragi. You know those romantic comedies where it’s obvious the two characters are going to get together at the end, but instead they drag out the story with a bunch of lukewarm twists and turns while they’re more than friends but not quite lovers? I hate those.”

You had to work hard to stay in love─because the feeling we call love is a very conscious thing.

“In a dismal turn, you caught the eye of a love-starved psycho virgin who falls for anyone who shows her the slightest bit of kindness.”

“So, Araragi. I know I’ve said a lot, but.” “What is it.” “If you turn me down, I’m going to kill you and go on the run.” “That’s just murder! At least make it a lovers’ suicide!” “That’s just how serious I am about this.”