Only Mostly Devastated

by Sophie Gonzales

All this time, I’d been wondering when my needs would start to really matter to him. Maybe I hadn’t spent enough time wondering when my needs would start to really matter to me.

This is a transformative moment for Ollie, during which he realizes he’s been acting like a doormat in many aspects of his life, but most especially in his relationship with Will. It’s important to remember that Ollie is not angry at Will for being closeted throughout the story—he’s angry because Will, in his efforts to stop friends and family from suspecting anything, throws Ollie under the bus several times in a row. While Ollie has been somewhat naively hoping Will might come out at some point so they can have the fairytale ending he’s so set on, he doesn’t resent Will for being closeted—every argument we see the two get into follows an action Will takes without showing consideration for Ollie’s feelings. Allowing his friends to joke about Ollie without intervening, going to the dance with his ex-girlfriend, etc. Essentially, until this point Ollie’s taken the advice given to him by his mom and Aunt Linda—to be patient, and accommodating, with the person he loves—too far, and he’s now having trouble figuring out which parts of their relationship deserves patience, understanding and flexibility (for example, giving Will the space to come out in his own time) and which parts are crossing a line (dirty-dancing with your ex-girlfriend is not acceptable behaviour!). Ollie’s solution to this takes shape from Lara’s advice at the dance—first and foremost, he needs to ascertain the difference between his needs and wants, and ensure that his needs are met. Here is where he realizes it’s actually okay to choose not to make a sacrifice for someone you love if the personal loss is too great.