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February 28 - March 19, 2021
01 Introduction
You are not defined by what’s inside your head. You are what you do. Your actions. —Unfu*k Yourself, p. 117
I mean, think about it. If you really had worked your shit out you’d be living the life you are after already and you’re not, you’re sitting reading these words. That, at least, should tell you something.
This book is all about mastering the head game of the change you say you want to make.
We’re going to dive headlong into the shit pile and focus specifically on what doesn’t work in your life, why it doesn’t work (really), and what it’s going to take from you to turn this around.
There are three segments we’ll go through together in this workbook: SELF PEOPLE PURPOSE
You lie to yourself. You are a liar and a withholder and a pretender.
I’m saying this so you can confront your own bullshit. You, my friend, are full of it and you are full of it with yourself. You have become enslaved by your own feelings and excuses and become so entrenched in your own web of deceit and head fakes that you actually believe most of the shit you tell yourself. To you, this unreal shit is real!
Your promises aren’t worth shit.
Your sense of personal power is directly correlated to the strength of the relationship between you and what you say. Keeping your personal promises is the single most underused, undervalued, and ignored source of power for people.
Turning your life around will require you to start holding your promises above all else.
here’s the definition of a promise: a declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified. a legally binding declaration that gives the person to whom it is made a right to expect or to claim the performance or forbearance of a specified act.
If you look back in your life, you’ll see that every single personal failure of yours was a function of some broken promise.
It’s all you and your promises. Everything else is noise. If you got just that from this workbook, you’d be completely unstoppable.
Transforming your life will absolutely-no-kidding require you to transform how you relate to what you promise.
02 Project 1: A Question of Self
How willing are you to consider that your life is the way it is, not because of the weight of your circumstances or situation but rather the weight of self-talk that pulls you down? —Unfu*k Yourself, p.
If you want to change, you need to stop tolerating and start doing. You need to do the things you know you should.
When you’re hit with that decision between getting down to work and continuing to goof off on your phone, instead of thinking “I’m just a procrastinator anyway” and resigning yourself to that path, what if you made a conscious effort to challenge that assumption?
The Greek philosopher Epictetus summed it up nicely: “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
Do what you have to do. Take the steps necessary to be what you would be—and stop tolerating the person you think you are.
Q. Write down at least five ways that you feel as if you’re “too much.” Some examples: “I’m too lazy,” I’m too erratic,” “I’m too passive,” or “I’m too angry.” It can be as many as you want, and again, just write until you feel as if you’re complete. Your list could include many items, although be careful to recognize if you’re just using different words to say the same thing.
Q. Explain why you think you are this way. Tell the truth. If you’re currently blaming someone else for how you are, tell it like it is for you.
Q. Next up, write at least five ways that you don’t feel as if you’re enough; for example, “I’m not smart enough” or “I’m not ambitious enough” or “I’m not confident enough.”
Q. Again, why do you think you are this way? Tell the truth.
Now take stock of what these lists represent to you. Take a few minutes to look at them in their entirety, what they mean to you, what life has been like for you. See if you can track the impact of relating to yourself in such a way.
Q. What is the first emotion that comes up when you look at these two lists?
Q. How does this emotion physically manifest in your body? (Do you feel a headache, churning stomach, tightness in your shoulders, etc.)
Q. What is it really like for you to be yourself in this life? Be truthful; tell it straight. Remember, no one can see this but you. This isn’t a pity party, but it is certainly an opportunity for you to be open with yourself.
Q. What are the reasons, excuses, and justifications you’ve sold yourself that have allowed you to continue living life in the way you do?
Responsibility is about getting yourself on the hook for who you are, for your impact and influence; it’s about taking ownership of your own emotional skin bag and dealing with yourself powerfully.
Q. Look back here and review the ways you said you’re either too much or not enough. Which one do you think would give you the biggest bang for your buck? That is, which one of these, if you took it on and triumphed, could you point to and say “I unfucked myself” here AND why?
Q. What difference would this make in your day-to-day life? Be specific. How would this change what you do and don’t do?
Q. What would a victory in this area of life allow you to do in other areas of your life? That is, what are the implications of you transforming this item? Give this some real thinking. JOIN THE DOTS!
Q. What is one new action you could consistently take that would be a demonstration of your being victorious with yourself?
Q. In what way would this new action be a triumph over what you have been tolerating about yourself?
Q. Look to how you’ve handled this item in the past. Now, how might you predictably undermine yourself with this item in the future? Why do you think you do this?
Q. What are the typical thoughts you have when undermining yourself? (Be specific.)
Q. Name one new thing you could do when faced with these predictable thoughts and behaviors.
YOUR PROMISE I hold myself to be accountable for being and promise to as a real-world demonstration of my commitment. Whenever I feel compelled to return to my past behaviors and patterns I promise to instead.
03 Project 2: The Relationship Trap
The new insanity is trying to get others to be different so you can be your best self.
By the way, save yourself the horseshit drama of “I can’t forgive.” You absolutely can. You have thus far been unwilling to forgive. It’s that simple. Your capacity for forgiveness is infinite. Your willingness for it is where you get stuck.
forgiving someone doesn’t make you better than they are. That’s called self-righteousness, my friend.
Remember, most people would rather be miserable than deal with what it takes to make themselves happy. Don’t be that person!
04 Project 3: Purpose, What Purpose?
Q. Where specifically in your life do you feel there is something lacking?
Q. In terms of having the most negative effect on you, list the three areas of life that you feel do not reflect how you want your life to go and, in each case, clearly state why you think these areas are the way they are.
Q. When you look at these three areas of life, what is it like for you to experience them as they currently are? Be specific. What is it like for you to get up in the morning and face a life like this? What is the weight or impact on your day-to-day life, and how are you limited by your life being this way?
Q. What do you sacrifice about yourself by having life be this way? What is this costing you?
