Jeremy McLeod

8%
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making the awakening process much swifter.
Jeremy McLeod
Too bland and explicit. "..., shaking the last remnants of sleep from Dale's mind." Words and you should avoid using when describing someone's reactions: "had the effect, a response, a reaction, etc." We should KNOW it's an effect/reaction from the dialog and/or action. You don't need to keep explicitly telling us.
Dungeon Calamity (The Divine Dungeon, #3)
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