Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

by Jessica Pan

We all have stories from the past that we don’t tell other people, usually about embarrassing jobs, or awful roommates, or terrible people we slept with in low moments. High school boyfriends who secretly thought they were werewolves (that one might be just me, but, Andy, I’ll never forget you). Humiliating crushes we had (Arnold Schwarzenegger, Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid). That time when we took up playing the harp. Honestly, what were we thinking? we ask ourselves now, with the clarity of hindsight.

I also constantly feel unspecial. That’s part of the problem. I don’t feel worthy enough to stand onstage and command an audience’s attention, so to have her say that I’m not special is just reinforcing that fear—that I’m an imposter, that I’m not good enough, that I don’t belong there, that I’m going to fail.

Now I know how saying words out loud can give weight to a moment and show that I take my words and story seriously. That I could be scared, but I could still do it anyway.

the failure is much more embarrassing if you try.