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of my CO,
"of my XO"
Entire worlds
"Entire populations of worlds"
scrubbers began sucking the air from the room.
Aren't scrubbers used to clean the air, and remove CO2? Pumps would be used to suck the air from the airlock.
Hexonis system
Is this system inhabited? If inhabited, the people there will die. With no warning of what will happen.
Myths and legends often hold a bit of literal truth.”
between him.
"between him and her."
"between them."
Evaluate
"Evacuate"
“The aft engine is now offline,” the VI said. “Stern engine damaged.
Aft and stern are basically the same. Aft is normally used as a directional term, while stern is a location.
compressed tanks
Compressed what tanks?
looking at Dryker.
"looking at Nolan."
has been
"had been"
They held a perfect salute, every last one of them.
You do not salute when called to attention. You come to attention and then wait for further orders.
back into the air.
"back into space." There is no air.
was well-shielded enough
"was shielded well enough"
window with miles.
"window within miles."
they weren’t going down swinging.
"they weren't going down without swinging."
