Wayward Son

by Rainbow Rowell

skint;

Good use of the british vocabulary but broke wouldve been fine

American children go to Normal schools and learn their magic at home.

I would prefer it

I dig around for the emergency fag I keep in my handbag.

Again the word cigarette would have been fine...

“Smashing, Simon.

Please

yard sale.

The definition literally says NORTH AMERICAN... Car boot sale? Jumble sale? We don't even have yards!

bother the rest of it.

What

I’d have better luck talking to a tornado. You are a tornado.” I’m so confused. “We don’t really have tornadoes in England . .

But we do know what they are

“That can’t be right,” Penny says. “That’s like driving from London to Moscow. Let me see.” Baz has been looking at her phone, and she takes it back. “But it’s the same country,” she says.

British people do know things i promise. The ignorance is another accidental americanism. Lol

Penny is still looking at her phone. “How was I to know that all these middle states are each the size of France? I’ve never even heard of Nebraska.”

I PROMISE

“A Unicorn Frappuccino.”

Hasnt aged well

But then we’re out on the road, and it’s cracking.

Smashing, cracking... Sigh

a place that manages to be both hot and humid at the same time. You might well expect hell to be hot, but you don’t expect it to also be humid. That’s what makes it hell: the surprise twist! The devil is clever!

I’d expect it to be humid

He said I just wanted to have a boyfriend, so that I could check it off and worry about more important things.”

(Harmadillos don’t even live in the UK; Penny got very fired up about it being an invasive species. “Well, its invading days are over,” Simon said, disposing of the corpse.)

Better send an email to alertnonnative@ceh.ac.uk would make my day to receive it

(White with blue and purple flowers and fat striped bumblebees. It probably cost as much as my tuition.)

What 9250?

bending me back over the boot.

Good to see boot

Can coyotes drive cars? I know they can play poker,

I’ll be damned and drawn and fucking quartered before I watch some devil-eyed goat feel up my boyfriend right in front of me.

I haven’t taken a good look at him. He’s tall. At least as tall as Baz. And lanky.

Him and penelope have to happen

I was worried about who we were going to send into the lobby—the black guy, the white devil, the Middle Eastern girl, or the pungent vampire. (Probably the white devil, right?)

I’d never been able to tease Simon that way when we were dating. He was too fragile. Simon was like a nuclear missile with self-esteem issues; it was exhausting.

“Shepard!” the woman says out loud. She’s smiling.

Yay

Now all she gets is chemical runoff and iPhones that break as soon as they touch her.”

Iphones are waterproof now

I break the rabbit’s neck in my hands and suck it completely dry. (I don’t spill a drop on its white fur or my cuffs.) Then I toss it into the skip.

Nah I’m not having it

The vampire holds the stake in the air, giving Penelope some thousand-year-old stink eye.

“Did you grow up with them, too, invisible boy?”

“He doesn’t know what I am,” Simon gloats.

Why is this funny

“You’re going to help me kill him.”

Yas

Merciful Morgana—Lamb’s face when my spell finally wears off, and Simon appears out of thin air. Lamb is done talking, and he and his minions are leaving to get their own team in order, when pop, there’s Simon, glowering, between them and the door.

Why is it so funng

Lamb scoffs. “One mage murdered every vampire in Lancashire.” “Beatrix Potter,” Bunce supplies.

Yes then

“Don’t talk to Josh anymore,” Agatha says, “even if he calls.” I’m fairly certain he won’t.

Agatha’s being nicer than I’ve ever seen her be to anyone. Is this why she doesn’t reply to my texts? Because they’re not idiotic enough?

Her brown eyes are lit with horror. “Baz, there’s trouble at Watford. We have to go home—now!”

For fucks sake