What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20: A Crash Course on Making Your Place in the World

by Tina Seelig

Most events in your life snap into focus when looked at in retrospect. When you look back on your career path the story makes perfect sense. The road ahead, however, is always fuzzy.

The more frequently you assess your situation, looking for ways to fix problems, the more likely you are to find yourself in a position where things are going well.

Most important? The goal is to find a role in the world that doesn’t feel like work. This only happens when you identify the overlap between your skills, your passions, and the market.

the harder you work, the luckier you get. His mantra was a stark reminder that you need to put yourself in a position to be lucky.

“Chance favors the prepared mind.”

We certainly can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can control our responses. Luck results when we know how and when to lead in our dance with life.

FORTUNE is something that happens to you.

CHANCE requires an action on your part. You need to take a chance,

LUCK is made by finding and creating opportunities. It is a direct consequence of your behavior.

In reality, by helping others, others are more likely to help us.

In short, being observant, open-minded, friendly, and optimistic invites luck your way.

On the other hand, there are people who are truly unlucky. They aren’t observant, are close-minded, unfriendly, and pessimistic.

Essentially, the world is full of doors through which we can find a staggering array of opportunities—we just have to be willing to open them.

every day you should act like a foreign traveler by being acutely aware of your environment.

Since then I’ve learned that there is a big difference between gratitude and appreciation: gratitude is the quality of being thankful, and appreciation is the act of showing gratitude.

In fact, assume a thank-you note is in order, and look at situations when you don’t send one as the exception. Because so few people actually do this (unfortunately), you will certainly stand out from the crowd.

At the end of every day, I review my calendar and send a short thank-you email to everyone who has done something helpful,

Because we live in such a small world, it really is important to build bridges—and never to burn them no matter how tempted you might be.

Your reputation is your most valuable asset, so guard it well. But don’t be terribly demoralized if you make some mistakes along the way. With time, it is possible to repair a stained reputation.

Remember, thinking about how you want to tell the story in the future is a great way to assess your response to dilemmas in general. Craft the story now so you’ll be proud to tell it later.

knowing how to apologize is incredibly important. A simple acknowledgment that you messed up goes a long way. There’s no need for long speeches and explanations;

When you ask others if you can help, they are always pleased that you offered. A small number will actually take you up on your offer, and the things they ask for are usually modest.

All I needed was someone to ask, “Are you all right? Is there anything I can do for you?” It now seems so simple. It’s remarkable that it took me so many years to figure this out.

In these cases I write a note with the following words: Thank you so much for the wonderful opportunity. I wish I had time to participate. Please don’t interpret my lack of time for a lack of interest. This short message captures how much I appreciate the invitation and opens the door to potential future opportunities.

It’s also helpful to consider what percentage of time you spend doing things that you want to do versus those that you don’t want to do, and how much time you spend doing things you have to do versus things you don’t have to do.

the most important outcome of any negotiation is to get to the next negotiation.

Parties often share interests, even when they believe they’re on opposite sides of an issue, and some terms are almost always much more important to one person than to the other.

He recommends looking for surprises when you negotiate, because surprises indicate you’ve made inaccurate assumptions. He also advises picking your negotiating approach based on the interests and style of the person with whom you’re negotiating, not on your own interests.

There are some cases that offer no win-win solution, and it’s actually better to walk away.

In general, to negotiate effectively you need to understand your own goals as well as the goals of the other party, attempt to come up with a win-win outcome, and know when to walk away.

this competitive mindset, in which you win at someone else’s expense, is completely counterproductive.

Don't play zero sum games

the higher you reach within an organization, the less important your individual contributions become.

Most of your work is done by colleagues tasked with implementing your ideas. Therefore, if you can’t work well with others, then your ability to execute diminishes.

Knowing how to ask for help is pivotal. If you ask properly, you are much more likely to get a positive response,

Essentially, make it easy for others to help you. Look at the situation from their perspective, and figure out how to make the ask as simple as possible.

It’s easy to meet expectations, knowing exactly what you will get in return. But amazing things happen when you remove the cap.

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”

We use excuses to cover up the fact that we didn’t put in the required effort to deliver. This lesson is relevant in all parts of life.

You can manufacture an excuse that’s socially acceptable, such as having too much work or being sick, but if you really wanted to deliver, you’d figure out a way to make it happen.

You need to come to terms with the fact that if you really want to accomplish something, it’s up to you to do so.

There’s a significant difference between being competitive and being driven. Being competitive implies a zero-sum game in which you succeed at someone else’s expense. Being driven involves tapping into your own passion to make things happen.

In order to shape your own story, you need to understand who and where you are now, how you got here, your strengths and weaknesses, and where you want to go from here. You need to understand what holds you back, what pushes you forward, and what you’re bringing along with you on your journey. You need to interpret what others told you about your past and what you tell yourself about your future.

Savor the spotlight when you have it, but be ready to yield center stage when it’s time to go. When you leave a job, the organization will go on without you, as you are not indispensable. Of course, you will leave a legacy of all you have accomplished, but that, too, fades with time.

Uncertainty is the essence of life, a fire that sparks innovation, and an engine that drives us forward.

the most interesting things happen when you get off the predictable path, when you challenge assumptions, and when you give yourself permission to see the world as opportunity rich and full of possibility.