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privately tip thirty percent.
By then, Alix had a team consisting of one editorial assistant, two interns, and an “office space” that overflowed into the kitchen in their Upper West Side apartment.
having a baby never seemed too scary with a group text of women who were doing it, too.
In the middle of fund-raisers and brunches, as she shook hands with earnest high schoolers, Alix thought, Is this it? Is this as far as I’ll ever go?
she told herself to wake the fuck up.
Sometimes, when she was particularly broke, Emira convinced herself that if she had a real job, a nine-to-five position with benefits and decent pay, then the rest of her life would start to resemble adulthood as well.
She’d do things like make her bed in the morning, and she’d learn to start liking coffee. She wouldn’t sit on the floor in her bedroom, discovering new music and creating playlists until three a.m., only to put herself to bed and think, Why do you do this to yourself? She’d try out a new dating app, and she’d have more interesting interests to write about: activities other than hanging out with Zara, watching old music videos, painting her nails, and eating the same dinner at least four nights a week (a Crock-Pot meal consisting of shredded chicken, salsa, and cheese). If Emira had a real job,
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Alix’s home was filled with the types of mothers she often saw in airports and had come to completely despise. Women with full faces of makeup, way too much luggage (Vera Bradley carry-ons and Lilly Pulitzer passport cases), cork wedge sandals, and plastic bags with souvenirs
as Alix hugged her, she thought, I want to like you. Why is this so hard?
The messages between Emira and this new person were of that cool and careful variety that only exists at the beginning of something, as you try to exude spontaneity and effortless humor, and space out responses to appear busy and even-keeled.
Kelley definitely did that thing where he asked her questions with the intention of explaining his own answer afterward.
And suddenly, in a way they hadn’t in the first few interactions, these white men had a lot to say about government-funded housing, minimum wage, and the quotes from Martin Luther King Jr. about moderates, the ones that “people don’t want to hear.”
And that was when she became the last of Emira’s friends to no longer be listed on their parents’ health insurance.
Ohmygod he’s here and I’m still so fat.”
She was still eight pounds heavier than she’d been before Catherine.
Throughout marriage, motherhood, and monumental career changes, Alix had always found herself forming ideal scenarios of how she would see a grown-up Kelley Copeland, or rather, how he’d see her.
She’d gone to undergraduate school to figure out what she wanted to do . . . wasn’t graduate school for the students who had succeeded?
Despite what he’d said to her when he’d stepped into her home, it was Kelley who hadn’t changed a bit.
If Kelley had left these women in the same way he’d left Alix—ruining her reputation, choosing strangers over her, publicly breaking up with her with a horribly pretentious line—they had obviously and easily bounced back. But Emira was different. Alix couldn’t quite explain it, but Emira was different in the same way Claudette had been different; they were extremely special people and while no one deserved poor treatment, they deserved it even less.
“When you were in New York you were Go go go, all the time. You can’t expect to feel like yourself when things have slowed down as much as they have.”
This moment, this was why she had missed her friends so much. They knew how to bring her back to herself.
Emira was reminded of the insanity of being a child: seeing all the things you learned about in books as actual breathing creatures, swimming right in front of your face. Briar marveled at hippos and sharks and penguins and turtles. And somehow, magically, Santa made an appearance
she’d also leave the joy of having somewhere to be, the satisfaction of understanding the rules, the comfort of knowing what’s coming next, and the privilege of finding a home within yourself.
New York was like an ex who had worked out all summer.
But she’d never say good-bye to Emira, which made it seem that Emira would never be completely free from her.
