Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler: Tackling These Crazy Awesome Years—No Time-outs Needed (Oh Crap Parenting Book 2)

by Jamie Glowacki

I’ll say that again (and again): It’s a toddler’s developmental job to push against your “no.”

Your average dog and your average three-year-old are at the same level of brain development. Literally. Of course, dogs will stay there and our children will very quickly mature and develop more brain power. But it’s a good marker when we try to reason with three-year-olds—meaning, of course, you can’t. Reason hasn’t entered the developmental picture yet.

And she seems almost human, so I forgot that although her capabilities might be stunning for a dog, she’s still got limited brain development.

And even if it felt that way, consistency in her behavior was 100 percent better than the two ends of the crazy spectrum that was actually scaring her kids. Super nice mommy and psycho mommy were not creating the emotional safety that was at the base of her parenting goals.

We think being firm is limiting the spirit of the child, when really, having limits allows your little one to feel safe and let that spirit blossom. Your child’s psyche can’t grow if he is constantly working out where his limits are.

If your child can demand something and manipulate her behavior to get it, she has the power wand.

What I have parents practice and cultivate is this: split-second decision-making. When you find yourself in one of these situations, do a quick calculation: am I going to give in anyway? You know yourself, your level of patience at any given moment, and you know your child. If you even suspect you will cave, then give it right away. That’s right. Give the candy or whatever right away.

But your parental power isn’t weakened and it’s far better to do a hard, fast yes than a yes after your child has manipulated the situation.

A no should be a no that no amount of crying or fit throwing will make you cave on.