Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler: Tackling These Crazy Awesome Years—No Time-outs Needed (Oh Crap Parenting Book 2)

by Jamie Glowacki

Punishment is a power dynamic, backed by a notion of “paying for what you did.” The child does something you deem bad and you will make that child “pay for it.” Punishment can seem arbitrary to the child. Punishment can feel like it comes out of the blue, with no warning. The child does something and punishment swoops in. Consequences are a part of life. Every single thing we do has a consequence, either good or bad or mixed. For teaching purposes, natural consequences are always the most effective. You can tell your child a million times to not jump on the bed. You can give a time-out every three minutes for jumping on the bed. You know when he’s going to stop the jumping on the bed? When he falls and bonks his head. That is a natural consequence. What we often try to do, however, is prevent that bonking of the head. The natural consequence feels severe, so we put in an external consequence. You don’t want your child to potentially crack open her head, so you institute something external, like a time-out. The problem is, in most cases, the child makes zero connection between the wrongdoing and the punishment.