Landon & Shay: Part One (L&S Duet, #1)

by Brittainy C. Cherry

I knew deep down that I could never fall for Landon. He wasn’t the kind of guy who would catch the girl. Especially me. Me and my sensitive heart.

“Oh, no. Hank said I’m not allowed to meddle in other people’s business anymore, ever since I helped my nonna order a vibrator through a television commercial because she said my grandfather wasn’t the stallion he used to be.”

“I can’t, Shay. Hank would kill me if I got involved again. He gave me the silent treatment for a solid five minutes after I helped Landon, and I don’t know if I can handle that again.”

Was she being sarcastic? Was her comment genuine? Was she screwing with my head? Open your damn book for me to read, Shay.

“Well, it didn’t just happen. You blacked out for five minutes,” she explained. “I was already planning out your funeral, but then, like the Satan you are, you rose from the ashes.”

It was becoming an embarrassing show to watch, and ever so slowly, I was becoming so disappointed in who my mom was becoming. I always pictured her being the strongest woman I knew, and she was that person…except for when it came to her love for my father.

I knew that didn’t seem like a big deal to a lot of people, but for Eleanor to close her book to have human interaction was a big deal. My shy introvert of a cousin only closed her book for those she loved the most.

“You have a loving kind of heart. You could love monsters if they could be loved.”

“If he breaks my heart, I hope the cracks tell a good story.”

Me: You’re so vulgar. Landon: And you’re so perfectly neat.

“You don’t have to do that,” I promised. “Do what?” “Say you’re okay when you’re not.” Her head lowered and shook back and forth. “People don’t like me when I’m sad.” “How do you know? You never let them close enough to see your tears.”

I saw her cracks, and they were so beautiful that it almost made my frozen heart beat again. I’d never known sadness could be so hauntingly beautiful.

“You know how you have down days like today?” I asked. “Yes.” “That’s every day for me.”

I was fighting to avoid being swallowed alive by my own mind, and it was an exhausting task to face. I wished they taught us about depression in school. I wished we were given tips and tricks to avoid falling too deep into the dark. Instead, we learned algebra equations. I couldn’t wait for that to come in handy in my life.

“What the hell are you doing, Chick? You can’t be out here destroying people’s happily ever afters.”

She tasted like salty tears and peach Chapstick, and oddly enough, that was my new favorite taste.

We quoted Romeo and Juliet. I began the line, and she finished it. What… The fuck… Was that? And who… The fuck… Was I?

My hands fell onto my chest, and I felt my heart rapidly beating against my rib cage. She did that to me. She made my heart turn back on. Her kiss gave me life.

My heart craved him, even if my brain told me not to do so.

“Kissing you feels like kissing heaven. You’re far from inexperienced. You being a virgin doesn’t change the fact that you’re the best kiss I’ve ever had. I could kiss you all day and not get sick of it. But you being a virgin? That’s a big deal, and I won’t take that from you until you’re willing to give it away. Okay?”

“Also, just for future reference”—he moved his mouth to my ear, and his hot breath had every hair on my body standing straight up—“there are a million ways I can fuck you and keep you a virgin.”

I cocked an eyebrow, and even though I didn’t understand completely, I did as he requested. I began rubbing his head with my free hand, tangling my fingers in his hair as I kept stroking at his privates. Within seconds, Landon burst out laughing, making me lean back, a little puzzled. “Not my head head, Shay. My dick head. The tip of my cock.” Oh. Well, that was shockingly embarrassing.

“Only truths?” “Only truths.” A sigh rolled through him, and he lowered his head a bit before looking up and locking his stare with mine. “I think that’s an unfair playing field.” “Why do you say that?” “Because my truths aren’t really something worth loving.”

“This isn’t a home without you. You are my home,” I whispered as the tears began falling down my cheeks. I rushed over to her and wrapped my arms tightly around her body. “Please, Mima. Please don’t leave me here with him. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t watch him pull her down and break her again.”

She began walking toward my car, and she gave me no choice. Besides, a part of me knew that wherever she led, I wanted to follow.

“You noticed my fights?” “I noticed your everything,” she confessed, and that frozen heart of mine thawed a bit. That happened a lot when she was around.

“Yes. Good. You’re good to everyone on so many levels, even people who don’t deserve it, like me. You take the time to look deeper into people and see things from different sides. You’re patient, too. That would be my second word for you. You don’t rush people to be what you think they should be. You just let them exist.”

Eric: I’m not gay or anything, you know…I mean, I’m just trying my best to figure everything out. Me: Whatever you are is good enough for me. Eric: Thanks, Land. Me: I’ll kick anyone’s ass for you, E. Just say the word, and I’ll trample them.

I’m meant to be your Juliet, not her. She doesn’t deserve you.” Lies. I didn’t deserve Shay. I didn’t deserve her, and yet I couldn’t stop craving her.

“You always stare at people when they aren’t looking?” she joked, peeling a pepperoni off her pizza. “Only you. Only ever you.”

“A penny for your thoughts,” I whispered. “A nickel for your time…a quarter for your heart…” I inhaled deeply. “A dollar to make you mine.”

“It scares me too, but I know one thing for certain,” I said, placing my fingers beneath her chin and lifting it so we were looking into each other’s eyes. “What’s that?” “I am going to love loving you as much as I loved hating you.”

She kissed me, and the last sleeping part of my soul finally woke up as she fell against my lips. I tasted her heaven as I fed her my sins.

“Yeah…but what if I’m worse? What if my pieces are so messed up that I won’t ever be able to pull myself up? What if I end up like him?” “You won’t.” “How do you know?” “Because I won’t let that happen.”

You are kind.” She kissed my chest. “You are strong.” She kissed my neck. “You are intelligent.” She kissed my palms. “You are talented.” She kissed my thumbs. “You are beautiful.” She kissed the corners of my eyes. “And this world needs you. I know those are just words, and you might not even believe them, but I am going to tell you them every single day, just as a reminder when you need it.”

For every pained memory, she promised me a better one for the future. She kissed my scars and called them beautiful.

I didn’t know if she meant go slow with her body or with her heart. So I took my time with both.

“No, Landon…please…” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed my lips as she whispered, “I want to see you. I want to see all of you. Love me with the lights on.”

When you stopped allowing toxins into your system, it meant getting rid of certain types of people in your life, too. Addictions didn’t only come in the form of alcohol or narcotics. Some of the worst addictions in one’s life could be the people allowed into it. I’d learned to be very selective about who I allowed into my world. It turned out, you didn’t need a big circle of people to be content. You simply needed the right people.

Shay was always concerned for everyone around her, always so caring, always so giving… How had she, the kindest, most giving person in the world, come from such a monster?

You don’t even have to say it back. I don’t care. Because I don’t think you tell people you love them just so you can hear it back. I think you tell people you love them because it feels like a rocket in your soul. The love becomes so powerful that it shoots through you until you’re finally forced to express it through words.

I love you in the light and in the dark. I love you like a whisper and like a shout. I love your good days and your bad days, and I…love…you. All of you. Every single piece…” She began fiddling with her fingers, and her T-shirt collar moved between her lips, “And every single scar.”

“Why would you love someone like me?” I asked. “Because it’s impossible not to.”

Everything I knew about love, I’d learned from my mother. She was the first person in this world to give love so unconditionally to me. She was the one who first made me laugh, made me smile, made me live. And her heart was currently broken.

“Mom…you are more than the story that this man wrote for you. You are more than my father. You are smart. You are funny. You are strong.” My eyes watered over as I felt the trembling in her hands. “You are loyal. You are breathtaking. You are beautiful. And this is not the end of your story; it’s only the beginning. But it begins now. With you and me, walking out of that front door. You can do this. You don’t have to walk alone. I got you.”

“Mom, it’s okay to leave him. It’s okay for you to turn your back on him. You deserve more, and you won’t be alone. But please, come with me. I’ll be it…” My voice cracked as tears began to fall down my cheeks. “I’ll be your willow tree.”

Please, Landon. I’m begging you. Don’t damage my daughter the way my husband damaged me.”

What could Shay give me if we were together? Happiness. Joy. So much fucking laughter. A feeling of home. A safe place to fall. Hope. Love. Her mind, body, and soul. Her light. And what could I give her if we were together? My scars. My panic attacks. My heaviness. My mood swings. My pain. My depression. My darkness.

She kept staring at me, reading me, breaking me down piece by piece. Stop it, Shay… Stop reading these pages. The ink is still wet, and the words ain’t pretty.

Shay Gable looked my way as if I was a prize. As if she saw something in me that I’d yet to discover. I fucking loved how she looked at me. I hated that I’d never be able to live up to those expectations.