The Shadows Between Us

by Tricia Levenseller

They’ve never found the body of the first and only boy who broke my heart. And they never will.

“Dance with me,” he says. Father goes so still, one would think he’d been turned to stone. “Is that an order or a request? I’m told you hang girls who get too close to you.” “Not hang. Those girls are asked to leave the party. So long as you mind your distance, I will not have you dismissed as well.” Still, I’m not ready to concede just yet. “Is there any fun in a dance when you can’t touch your partner?” “Accept my invitation and you will find out.”

Forgive me, Lady Stathos, but I’ve changed my mind. I do not wish for you to leave just yet. You’re far too interesting for that. Will you come join my court? Consider this an invitation, not a demand. My man will await your reading of this note in the event of your acquiescence. —KM

I want to slap him. I want to kiss him. I want to throw the rest of my cake in his face as much as I want to finish off the delicious dessert.

“You said I wasn’t beautiful enough.” His mouth drops open. “No, I said you were the right amount of beautiful. I said you’re perfect.”

“You look exquisite today,” the king says, pitching his voice low. We’re separated enough that I don’t think anyone else at the table can hear. “You’re trying to make up for what you said yesterday,” I say in an equally reserved tone. “I’m merely speaking the truth.”

I handled Hektor as I have handled everything else in my life: alone and with the utmost thoroughness.

“Good.” As an afterthought, he adds, “Because it wouldn’t do for people to think you’re being courted by someone other than me. It would ruin our plans.” “Of course.” But could that have been just a smidgeon of jealousy in his tone?

“You are an absolute gem, do you know that?” My whole body warms at the praise.

The poets can say whatever they damned like. A woman’s worth is not decided by what’s between her legs but by what is in her mind.

As I feel his hands in mine, feel his arms come around me as we go through the steps of the dance, I can’t help but wonder if I will ever feel Kallias in this way.

But just before I go, the skin about my blackened eye warms. Not with pain. Not from the memory of the kiss pressed there. But at the ghost of a gloved hand.

“Do you think I could sit next to you?” I ask. “So I don’t fall out of my seat again? The incline is steep.” He scoots to one side of the plush cushion in answer. I settle next to him, only my skirts brushing his shadows. “Much better. Thank you.”

“I never got a chance to compliment you on your attire.” “This is one of the few outfits I haven’t worn yet. I was angry at you and didn’t want to wear your favorite color.” “But then you wore it anyway?” “I thought it might make you angrier when you were forced to watch me leave with all my things.” He smiles. “It would have.”

“I don’t wear this sword just for looks,” he adds. “I do know how to use it. Rest assured, the only dangerous thing out here is me.” “And should I fear you?” I ask. “Never.”

“We were unprepared for the … um … distraction,” one of the men says. “Am I to understand you failed to protect me because you weren’t paying the lady the respect she deserves?” “You can hardly blame us, sire. She was naked.” Kallias steps forward, draws his sword, and puts it through the one who spoke. The man looks down at the rapier stuck in his gut, eyes wide. He falls as Kallias draws his sword back out.

“You’re not frightened? Of me?” “You defended my honor. Why should I fear you?” “Because I killed a man in front of you.” I shrug. “You have to make tough decisions as king. You have to put down those who disobey you. Make an example of them. It’s how you maintain order. You think I don’t know that?” “I still shouldn’t have done it in front of you.” He looks away. “Kallias.” His gaze focuses on me once more. “I do not fear the decisions you have to make as a king, and I would never think lesser of you for them. I’m surprised you killed only one of them, to be honest.” His voice lowers. “The rest will die as well, but I can’t very well do it when I’m outnumbered and when we have to rely on them for protection on the road back.”

food. At one point, I find Kallias watching me out of the corner of my eye. When I turn my head, he only grins when caught staring. “What are you looking at?” “That should be obvious. Perhaps you’d like to ask me what I’m thinking instead?” His eyes are liquid fire, and I wonder just how dangerous it might be to ask that very question. But I do anyway. “I’m thinking,” he answers, “that you are quite beautiful, and every man at this table wishes he were me right now.” My stomach starts to flutter. “You are king. Every man does wish he were you.” “No. Every man wishes he had you at his side.” “You said I wasn’t beautiful enough to be tempting,” I remind him. He takes his napkin from his lap and brushes his fingers against it. “I lied. You’re the most stunning thing to ever set foot in my palace.”

“A ball gown, actually. I was inspired by your mother’s roses.” I look up at the blossoms in question. “We must throw a ball, then, so you may show it off once it is finished.” “Could we? Oh, I’ve never organized a ball before.” “Would you like to?” I nod. “You name the date, and we will make it happen.”

He takes one glance at me on the ground, at the red outline of a handprint on my cheek, before turning back to the assassin. “You’ll die for that,” Kallias says, his voice a deep rumble.

“I think a toast is in order.” I find my own glass and lift it. “To you, Alessandra. May your wit never be used against me.” I laugh before tipping the contents of my glass into my mouth. “And to you, Your Majesty. To your fine leadership. This growing empire wouldn’t be what it is without you.” His eyes are on mine as he tips back his glass a second time. And something about that gaze, the way it drinks me in—it curls my toes within my slippers.

And as I sit there with my legs in the lap of the king, one thing becomes abundantly clear. I can’t believe how much I want him to touch me. I want to rip off those cursed gloves and burn them in a fire,

But you’re not stupid, and you’re not dying on me. Do you understand?” A grin has replaced his solemn expression. “If you command it.” “I do.” “Well, a lady must always get what she wants.”

“See that you do,” I say. “I have no intention of losing my best friend.” Kallias opens his mouth. Shuts it again. Then, “You and I are playing a very dangerous game.” I pull off my wig, letting it dangle from my fingers as I shake out my real hair. “It was only a little bit of dress-up. And a small fall. Hardly dangerous,” I assure him, offering a smile. Kallias’s eyes bore into me with all the force of a burning comet. “I wasn’t speaking of that game.” His eyes dart down to my lips briefly, before he turns on one heel and walks away.

I do not like the king. He is a means to an end. And while I will deeply enjoy consummating our marriage, there is nothing else Kallias is useful for. I don’t care if he makes me laugh. Or if at times he seems to know me better than I do myself. And who the devils cares if he’s a perfect fifteen?

Outside, Kallias walks with a small troop of men surrounding him. His shadows rise about him in full force. Even from here, when I can’t see the details of his face, my heart skips a beat. This man who gives me what I ask. Who makes time for me when he’s so dreadfully busy ruling six kingdoms. Who takes me with him on dangerous missions because he trusts me. A man who challenges me in wits, in scheming. Who values my opinion and implements my ideas for catching bandits and traitors. A man who sets my blood to racing without even touching me. Who can warm my heart with a look. Suddenly, the treasonous vial within my pocket feels heavier than a bag of rocks. I hurry along to my room, casting it into the deepest recesses of my wardrobe. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. But I do know one thing. No one but me is allowed to decide when Kallias Maheras, king of six realms and counting, is going to die.

His eyes shoot back open then, and his arm swings about before it catches my gloved hand and brings it toward his mouth but stops before he makes contact. He looks down at my glove as though it offends him. Then he’s sliding the garment off. I hold perfectly still. “He kissed you. Here.” A leather-clad finger trails along my skin. “Yes, he did.” “I don’t want him doing that. I want to do that.” He lowers his lips, but I jerk back my hand violently before he can make contact. “You’re not allowed to do that until you’re sober,” I tell him. “Nonsense. Give that back!” I laugh at him. “Go to sleep, Your Majesty.” I push against his shoulder, and he falls back onto his pillows, his eyes shutting once more. The fight has left him. I step toward my room, taking one last look at my king. “I didn’t tell Leandros no because of some deal I have with you. I told him no because it would take me away from you.” Satisfied that he’s too fast asleep to remember any of it, I shut the door on him and make ready for bed.

“I told you, you’re my equal. You’ve assisted me in more ways than one. You’ve been my constant companion these last couple of months, and I don’t ever want you to leave, Alessandra. I want to show you how I respect and appreciate you.” “But this—in front of all the nobles. You might as well have proposed.” “Actually, I want to talk about that later.” My head snaps in his direction so fast my neck cracks. “When we’re alone,” he clarifies. “Come.” He gently tugs me toward our seats.

Did I break the king?

Once he’s calm, he strides over to me and places his gloved hands on either side of my head. “My little hellion. Quite the force to be reckoned with, aren’t you? Oh, say you’ll marry me, Alessandra!” I swallow, thoroughly confused. “You’re not going to hang me?” “Hang you?” he repeats, letting his hands fall to his sides. “The man did you wrong, Alessandra. Honestly, you’ve saved me the trouble of tracking him down and killing him myself.” “But—” “I pardon you,” he says simply. I blink. “Just like that?” “Just like that. Anything for my friend.” I don’t know that I’ve ever hated that word more than when it comes out of Kallias’s mouth. “Will you marry me?” he repeats, easily turning back to our previous conversation. “What will happen if I say no?” “You’re still pardoned, if that’s what you’re worried about. I would never blackmail you into marriage! You’ll be free to remain at the palace as long as you wish or to go.” His face drops a little. “But I would be … most saddened if you left.” I think for a moment, but Kallias can’t bear the silence. “I need you, Alessandra. Say you’ll be mine and I’ll be yours.”

Now stop fretting. Come show me what you’re working on.” “No,” I say. “I’d rather you see it on me when it’s all done.” “That’s quite a lot of fabric,” he says sadly. “Oh, hush.”

“I think that when you care enough for someone, you reach a point where it’s far more painful not to have him at all than to have him and risk losing him. You realize the risk is worth it. Because happiness, however short-lived, is always worth it.”

“What are you doing?” I finally manage to get out. “You don’t get to ignore me all evening only to dance with me now!” He leans forward. “You’re so beautiful it hurts.” “What kind of answer is that?” “I kept my distance to keep myself from doing something stupid. Something like this.” He pulls me so close it’s indecent as we go through the next steps. I can’t even hear the music anymore. All I hear is Kallias’s frantic heartbeats, his warm breath against my hair. When I dare to look up into his eyes, I realize it’s the wrong thing to do. I’m burning. My core goes up in flames. His gaze looks hungry, heated, desirous. The look of a man who hasn’t had human contact in a year. Kallias said it himself. No man would give up the power of the shadows except for the deepest and most all-consuming of loves.

“Alessandra,” the king says in a voice only I can hear. “You’ve made me happy again. You’ve given me hope and become an invaluable confidante and the greatest of friends. A—a woman I could love.” Love. Could love. If he let himself. Which he won’t. Then he raises his voice for the whole room to hear. “Lady Alessandra Stathos, will you be my queen? My equal in all things? A protector and ruler of Naxos and the conquered realms? Will you marry me?” “Yes.”

“Someone else can do it,” Kallias says as his arms tighten around me.

I resist an eye roll. “You should go upstairs. Rest from this ordeal. I’ll join you as soon as I have more information.” Kallias sighs. Then he looks over at the men flanking him. “Go with her. Help her with anything she needs.” Somehow, my chest warms at the absence of him telling them to protect me. He knows I can protect myself. He doesn’t even need to mention it.

When Kallias moves us to the washroom, he’s careful to position me so my rump can sit on the edge of the tub, my back leaning against him,

It feels so nice to wiggle my toes in the warm water, and Kallias’s hands start kneading at the knots in my shoulders.

“It doesn’t matter what precautions I take. I could lock myself up in a concrete box so nothing could ever hurt me, but that’s no way to live. “Being king comes with risks. I’m willing to take those. In the end it’s worth it.” He looks at me now. “You are worth it, Alessandra. I’m done living separately from everyone else. My parents’ murderers will finally be brought to justice. But even if they weren’t, I would still make this choice.” “What choice?” His hand comes down to the side of my face, and he turns me, tilting my mouth upward. I draw in a startled breath, and Kallias uses that parting to place his lips around my lower lip. He licks lightly at my skin as he gently pulls upward.

“What did you do?” I yell. “I kissed you,” he answers simply.

I don’t care about a long life anymore. I can’t stand being alone for one second longer. I can’t stand being apart from you for one second longer.” His face falls as something occurs to him. “But if you don’t feel the same way, I’m sorry I accosted you.” Water pools around me on the floor from my dress, but I ignore it. “The same way,” I repeat. “How? How do you feel?” Kallias reaches into a pocket of his dress pants and pulls out a folded parchment. “I wrote it on paper.” He opens it, looks at the words, and shakes his head. “I can’t read it aloud. It’s for you to read. Later. Really, I just wanted to prove I could write a better one than Eliades. But I’ll leave it here and go.”

“Kallias Maheras, don’t you dare leave me right now.” He pauses and manages to find my eyes. “Tell me,” I say. “You don’t need to read a letter. Just tell me.” He closes his hands into fists at his sides. “I want you.” I wait for him to say more. When he doesn’t, I say, “Surely you can do better than that.” He narrows his eyes at the challenge. “I’m done watching you flirt with other men. I’m sick of it. I don’t want you kissing or touching anyone but me.” I keep a straight face as I rub one hand up my other arm. “That’s awfully selfish of you.” “You be quiet now. I’m not done talking. You wanted me to say it. So I’ll say it all. Selfish or not. “When I first saw you, it infuriated me that you never looked at me. Not once during that inane ball. It wasn’t until I approached you that you deigned to meet my eyes. And then you insulted me. You mocked me every chance you got. You didn’t bow and roll over like every other human alive. You challenged me. “That’s when I first knew I was doomed.” He takes a step forward. “And then we spent all those meals together, separated by a damned table. And you told me about your dreams. About your fears. And I wanted nothing more than to grant your dreams and remove your fears.” He takes another step. “You asked to spend more time with me. It was the one thing I thought I could not give. Because if I spent more time with you, I would fall for you even harder. This girl who didn’t care that I was a king. But then you spent that evening with...

“You made this decision before the attack tonight?” He nods. “You’ve wanted me … from the beginning?” Another nod. And I realize that if I tell him no, I’ll be just as he was. Alone because I’m terrified to be vulnerable. But I can get past that, as he is now, and I can have it all. The power. The kingdom. The man. “Come here,” I say, because my feet still ache slightly, and I also don’t know if I can move with the way he’s looking at me. Kallias keeps his eyes on mine as he removes his gloves and lets them fall to the floor. I swallow. Between one blink and the next he’s before me. He raises one hand, cups my cheek. I lean into that touch. The one I’ve been craving for so long. Then Kallias lifts me, holds me with one arm at my back and the other beneath my knees. My arms go to his neck, and I draw his face toward mine. “I wanted to do this the very first time I saw you,” I say before our lips touch. And then I’m aflame.

I put my hands on his shoulders, pushing him away for a moment, just so I can collect my thoughts. “Promise me you won’t send me away because I’m the one making you mortal. Promise me you won’t change your mind later and decide I’m not enough for the price of mortality.” His breathing is ragged, but he manages to focus. “I swear it, Alessandra. You’re not going anywhere. You’re mine.”

WHEN I WAKE, I try to cling to the remnants of a delicious dream. There was me and Kallias and— But when my eyes open, I find him in bed next to me, one gloveless, shirtless arm slung over my middle. Not a dream. A beautiful reality. My Shadow King.

When he’s done, I reach for my gloves, but Kallias plucks them out of my fingers and tosses them away. “No gloves.” And he grabs my fingers with his, lacing them together. “You’ve suddenly become so much more demanding.” “And I think you love it,” he says, pulling me close, running his nose along my neck. Oh, but I do.

“If it would make Alessandra happy, then it’s already done.” Kallias switches his fork to his left hand. His right goes under the table. To my leg.

“You’ve misunderstood. When I said I changed my mind, I meant about sending you away. About destroying our life together.” I go so still; I think my heart might stop beating. “You could have let me die,” he says. “You could have let Leandros—I mean, Xanthos—kill me and then ruled as queen with him. But you didn’t. You killed him. You killed for me. “But I knew before then. I was hurt, yes, but I was going to come back for you right before Xanthos approached me. I was in my mother’s sitting room, because I tried to imagine a future where that room wouldn’t be yours, and I couldn’t.” He rises then, keeping my hands clasped in his. “I was scared. I was so scared to trust anyone, and I hurt you as a result. I said things I shouldn’t have. And I’m so unbelievably sorry, Alessandra.”

“My Alessandra, “All the poets in all the world could write odes to your beauty. You are lovely, stunningly beautiful. Even a fool could see it. “But that is not what drew me to you. It was your eyes. It was the way you didn’t look at me that made me realize you are special. You didn’t look at me like I was a king, someone to be respected and worshipped. You looked on me as a man. A man who says foolish things and makes terrible decisions. You made me remember what it is to be human. “I’d forgotten. Having spent a full year with no one to touch, no one to talk to—it was you who reminded me what it is to live. “Your eyes spoke of a mind that loves to tease and loves to win. But they also showed me your heart, one that could be so reserved but ready to love if I could only earn it. “I haven’t earned it. I will never earn it. I could spend a million years trying to worship you, and I still wouldn’t be worthy of you. “But I’m desperate for you all the same. And though I will not have millennia to live, I want to give however many years I have left to you. Because I love you. I love the woman who saved me. And though she doesn’t need me, I want her. Fiercely. “All the time in the world is worth nothing if I don’t get to spend it with you. “Forever yours, Kallias.”

“I do like it when it’s healthy and beautiful, but it is not why I love you.” His breath hitches as he says, “The money and power help, too.” “It is what originally caught my interest, but I lose interest in everything sooner or later. Everything save you. Because in you, I found my match. In you, I found my equal.” Kallias, my Shadow King, grabs me, pulls me into his arms. “I love you, Alessandra. What can I say to make you forgive me and take me back?” “Words only mean so much. Actions speak far louder, don’t you think?” “I do.” He lowers his head, brushes my lips with his. And we start our new life together. Never to be alone again. EPILOGUE Who are you writing to?” my fiancé asks me. Just the thought of that word, fiancé, has my insides warming. I still cannot believe that after everything that’s happened between the two of us, we have made it here. Engaged. Ready to start the rest of our lives together. “My sister,” I answer, keeping my eyes on the letter before me. It’s been three months since I killed Xanthos Maheras. Two months and three weeks since Kallias begged my forgiveness for sending me away and not trusting me. Since he brought me back to the palace. Our new room is finished, the wall separating the king’s and queen’s chambers fully removed. The resulting space is enormous, though the new room will surely become crowded if Kallias continues showering me with apology gifts. My jewelry box is fit to bursting, I’ve had to purchase a second wardrobe for all t...