I biked straight home feeling sick and shaky and tortured with guilt. I cried as I rode, overcome with shame and panic that God would curse me for what I’d done. I had let my whole family down. My parents. The church. Myself. I was no longer unsullied. It wasn’t just my actions that were so exceedingly sinful; it was the indefensible thoughts that had led me to them. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. According to Jesus, the fact that I’d had those feelings in the first place made me guilty of adultery.
This sounded like the beginning of a possible assault...
But in the way it sounded consensual, I HATE religion for begrudging people love, affection, connection and contact. Feeling guilt tor a hug?? I remember feeling guilt only because of religion for things like that and it is enraging. Plus drilling into us that women are weak and susceptible and feelings are bad and we shouldn't trust ourselves. Normal feelings are sins. It's sadistic and cruel. How dare they.
Plus, why shouldn't we pin this on men only since it talks about looking on a woman specifically. Purity culture should be theirs, not ours. If i was as selective and literal as they sometimes are, it would've been great to see the reaction to the failure of logic. I know it wouldn't have made a difference. They have an echo of the same dogmatism as Westboro. But it would be great to see.
