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October 16, 2019 - March 14, 2020
It is well-known that people communicate through a set of filters shaped by history, sense of identity, beliefs about what is true, and values about what is right, as well as perceptions and interpretations of what is going on.
Every person has a certain number of filters by which they let in certain parts of the real world.
seven plus or minus two bits of information, is what we can comfortably be aware of at one time.
Distortion The second process is called distortion.
Two examples of distortion are hallucination and creativity. They are both similar in that the external information is changed to something else. That is what the process of distortion is all about.
Generalization is where you take a few examples and then create a general principle.
People have a certain number of experiences of a similar type and then make a rule or develop a belief.
With these three filters, Deletion, Distortion and Generalization, we each create our own model of the world.
He also developed a small set of specific questions by which, regardless of what people answer, their unconscious patterns are revealed in the structure of the language they use. You pay attention to how people answer, instead of what they say. In this way, after asking a few simple questions, you can determine what will trigger and maintain someone's motivation and how they internally process information.
By deleting, distorting and generalizing, we inhabit our perceptions and interpretations of Reality.
People transform their actual experience, their opinions, and so on, in ways that correspond to their own particular Deletions, Distortions, and Generalizations.
people who use the same language patterns in their speech have the same behaviors.
To help you identify when someone is talking about or has switched Contexts, listen for: When? Where? With whom? and a verb. When people use these cues, they are telling you what a Context is for them: "When we are sitting in the living room with the kids, arguing about whether it's bedtime." "In client meetings, doing a needs analysis."
Level: Do it Now, or Have a Think About it? Does a person take the initiative, or wait for others in order to act? This category within the Motivation Patterns, is about what will get you going and what will make you think. What is your LEVEL of activity? There are two Patterns:
People in a Proactive mode initiate.
When in a Reactive mode, people tend to wait for others to initiate or until the situation is right before they act.
Proactive: sentence structure short sentences: noun, active verb, tangible object speaks as if they are in control of their world crisp and clear sentence structure direct at the extreme, they "bulldoze"
Influencing Language If you think about it, matching someone's way of being is very important when communicating. Use these words and phrases to get people to jump into action:
go for it; just do it; jump in; why wait; now; right away; get it done; you'll get to do; take the initiative; take charge; run away with it; right now; what are you waiting for; let's hurry
Reactive let's think about it; now that you have analyzed it; you'll get to really understand; this will tell you why consider this; this will clarify it for you; think about your response; you might consider; could; the time is ripe; good luck is coming your way
words that incite a physical and emotional reaction: HOT BUTTONS. The words themselves are associated (or stuck in our memory) to a series of emotionally similar events that we have experienced through our lives.
Other questions to elicit Criteria: What do you want in . . . (a job, a home, a spouse, etc.)? What's important to you? What counts? What has to be there? What would you like to have, be or do? What would have to happen in this project to meet all your needs?
Criteria: A person's labels for things are important to them in a given Context. They are hot buttons because they are attached to emotions and memories. Question: What do you want in a ...? What is important to you? . Influencing Language: Use the person's Criteria to attract and maintain interest. When a person hears their own Criteria, they will immediately feel the emotions attached to those words.
There are two Triggers in this category describing the Direction a person is moving in for a given Context. They are either moving toward a goal, or away from problems.
WHY IS HAVING THAT (THEIR CRITERIA) IMPORTANT? (ask up to 3 times) Toward: sentence structure talks about what they gain, achieve, get, have etc. inclusion what they want, goals Toward: body language pointing toward something, head nodding, gestures of inclusion Away From: sentence structure will mention situations to be avoided, gotten rid of exclusion of unwanted situations, things
problems Away From: body language gestures of exclusion, shaking head, arms indicating that something is to be avoided, gotten rid of Note: Listen to what a person says after the word because. It will either be a Toward or an Away From statement.
Direction Question: Why is that (Criteria) important? [Ask 3 times] Toward: Motivated to achieve or attain goals. Away From: Motivated to solve or avoid problems. Distribution at Work: 40% Mainly Away From 20% Equally Toward and Away From 40% Mainly Toward (in the work Context, from Rodger Bailey) Influencing Language: Toward: attain; obtain; have; get; include; achieve, etc. Away From: avoid; prevent; eliminate; solve; get rid of, etc.
When you are writing something, or preparing a presentation and you want to make sure to be listened to and taken seriously without the other people feeling threatened, first prepare your draft. Then, ask yourself if you have implied or stated the following: There is something they don't already know, I am telling them what to do, They have a problem and I have the solution, They are not perfect in some way, and/or I am better than they are in some way. If any of the above are stated or implied, it does not pass the Macho Test!
You may wish to rephrase as follows: As you probably know....(then state the thing you suspect they do not know) Use the language of suggestion: You may wish to consider... I understand that other organizations have had this issue and what some of them have done is... How have you solved this problem? (implies they have already solved all the problems) With your experience and knowledge in this area.... Your role is.... My role is... (establishing different yet equal roles)
The easiest way to get an Internal person to listen and think about something is to phrase it as "information you might want to consider", or as a question.
I believe that it is fine to teach and encourage self-evaluation. However, when you want to trigger motivation and keep the students interested (which is a separate Context), some people will need
ongoing encouragement, feedback or results to stay interested.
Question: How do you know that you have done a good job at . . . ? Internal: They are motivated to decide based on their own internal standards. External: They need outside feedback to know how well they are doing and to stay motivated. Distribution at Work: 40% Mainly Internal 20% Equally Internal and External 40% Mainly External (in the work Context, from Rodger Bailey) Influencing Language: Internal: only you can decide; you might want to consider; it's up to you; what do you think?, etc. External: others will notice; the feedback you'll get; results; give references; so-and-so thinks, etc.
Question: Why did you choose your current work (or house, etc.)? Options: Compelled to develop and create systems and procedures. Have difficulty following set procedures. Procedures: Prefer to follow tried-and-true set ways. Get stumped when they have no procedures to follow. Distribution at Work: 40% Mainly Options 20% Equally Options and Procedure 40% Mainly Procedures (in the work Context, from Rodger Bailey) Influencing Language: Options: opportunities; variety; unlimited possibilities; lots of choices; options; break the rules just for them Procedures: the right way; how to; tried and
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Question: What is the relationship between (your work this year and last year)? Sameness: They like things to stay the same. They will provoke change only every 15 to 25 years. Sameness with Exception: They prefer situations to evolve over time. They want major change about every 5 to 7 years. Difference: They want change to be constant and drastic. They will initiate change every 1 to 2 years. Sameness with Exception and Difference: They like both evolution and revolution. Major change averages every 3 to 4 years. Distribution at Work: 5% Sameness 65% Sameness with Exception 20% Difference
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Difference: new; totally different; completely changed; switch; shift; unique; one of a kind; brand new Sameness with Exception and Difference: better and new; a totally different approach to improve; gradually making changes; shift to a more relaxed state; it's completely new and so much better than before
