More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
June 28 - July 8, 2019
It is well-known that people communicate through a set of filters shaped by history, sense of identity, beliefs about what is true, and values about what is right, as well as perceptions and interpretations of what is going on.
The tool is called the Language and Behavior Profile (LAB Profile®). It is a way of thinking about people and groups that allows you to notice and respond to how they get motivated, process information, and make decisions.
It is based on a set of about a dozen questions that you can feed into casual conversation or use, as a formal survey for groups.
People communicate with their particular patterns naturally as they speak, both in words and in their body language, and they respond immediately when you use their language.
Even if you do not have specific communication problems, this book will provide you with useful information to consider and a vocabulary for describing what you are already doing—perhaps unconsciously.
Each person, through genetic makeup, environmental influences, and individual biochemistry, has managed to program herself or himself to be excellent at a certain number of things, mediocre at different things, and just awful in other areas.
If we observe and listen carefully to how a person behaves and communicates linguistically, we can glean an understanding of how, neurologically, a person puts his or her experience together to be excellent, mediocre, or awful at the things he or she does.
So, seven plus or minus two bits of information, is what we can comfortably be aware of at one time.
Generalization is where you take a few examples and then create a general principle.
Generalization is about how we unconsciously generate rules, beliefs, and principles about what is true, untrue, possible, and impossible. Some women, for example, may have had several bad experiences with men and then come to the conclusion that men (i.e., all men) cannot be trusted.
With these three filters, Deletion, Distortion and Generalization, we each create our own model of the world.
You pay attention to how people answer, instead of what they say.
In this way, after asking a few simple questions, you can determine what will trigger and maintain someone's motivation and how they internally process information.
Sometimes I call these the Motivation Triggers because they reveal what will make a person do something or prevent a person from acting in a certain way.
Once you know a person's Patterns, you can then tailor your language so that it has maximum impact for that person.
When you use the appropriate Influencing Language, the impact is powerful precisely because you are speaking in someone's own personal style.
You can choose exactly those words that change minds.
By deleting, distorting and generalizing, we inhabit our perceptions and interpretations of Reality.
I will NOT generally be dealing with Reality in this book, but rather the way we perceive and interpret it.
People transform their actual experience, their opinions, and so on, in ways that correspond to their own particular Deletions, Distortions, and Generalizations.
Leslie Cameron-Bandler and Rodger Bailey determined that people who use the same language patterns in their speech have the same behaviors.
Because the LAB Profile® is a set of skills, you will need to use it with rigor, paying attention to the shifts people make as they move from situation to situation. This is where the notion of Context comes in.
Because our behavior can vary in different situations, you will need to make sure when using the LAB Profile® questions, that you have clearly and specifically identified the Context.
What is the frame of reference (or Context) around the situation for the person you are speaking with?
To help you identify when someone is talking about or has switched Contexts, listen for: When? Where? With whom? and a verb.
Proactive: sentence structure short sentences: noun, active verb, tangible object speaks as if they are in control of their world crisp and clear sentence structure direct at the extreme, they "bulldoze" Proactive: body language signs of impatience, speaking quickly, pencil tapping, lots of movement or inability to sit for long periods
Reactive: sentence structure incomplete sentences, subject or verb missing passive verbs or verbs transformed into nouns lots of infinitives speak as if the world controls them, things happen to them, believe in chance or luck long and convoluted sentences talks about thinking about, analyzing, understanding, or waiting, or the principle of the thing conditionals, would, could, might, may overly cautious, need to understand and analyze Reactive: body language willingness to sit for long periods
People who have a Proactive Pattern at work are suitable for those positions that require taking the initiative, going out and getting it done.
People who have a Reactive Pattern in the work Context are well suited to jobs that allow them to respond to requests.
People with a Reactive Pattern at work will generally not take the initiative and will feel stressed or anxious when asked to do so.
In a team setting, Reactive people can contribute to the process by analyzing proposed solutions and slowing the process enough to consider ramifications and alternatives.
A person's Criteria are those words that incite a physical and emotional reaction: HOT BUTTONS.
when a person hears one of their Criteria, the word itself will trigger the emotional response attached to it.
to show someone you have understood them, play back their key words, their Criteria.
Other questions to elicit Criteria: What do you want in . . . (a job, a home, a spouse, etc.)? What's important to you? What counts? What has to be there? What would you like to have, be or do? What would have to happen in this project to meet all your needs?
When you create a tangible, forced-choice situation, people will feel magnetically attracted to one option or the other.
Sometimes a person has difficulty choosing between the two alternatives in your hands; you can confirm this by observing the vacillation in their body as they try to choose.
What does it mean when you ask someone "What do you want?" or "What's important?" and the person lists fifteen or twenty things? This person may be difficult to satisfy.
By defining your Criteria, you will have made them real and tangible to yourself.
Influencing Language: Use the person's Criteria to attract and maintain interest. When a person hears their own Criteria, they will immediately feel the emotions attached to those words.
People with a Toward pattern in a given Context are focused on their goal. They think in terms of what they want, goals to be achieved. They are motivated to have, get, achieve, attain, and so on.
They may have trouble either noticing what should be avoided, or identifying problems.
People who have an Away From pattern notice what should be avoided and gotten rid of, and otherwise not happen.
Their motivation is triggered when there is a problem to be solved or when there is something to move away from. They can become energized by threats.
People with an Away From pattern in a given Context are good at troubleshooting, solving problems, and pinpointing possible obstacles during planning, because they automatically pick up on what is or could be going wrong.
People who have a strong Away From orientation in a given Context can be perceived as jaded or cynical, particularly by Toward people.
Question: WHY IS HAVING THAT (THEIR CRITERIA) IMPORTANT? (ask up to 3 times) Toward: sentence structure talks about what they gain, achieve, get, have etc. inclusion what they want, goals Toward: body language pointing toward something, head nodding, gestures of inclusion
Away From: sentence structure will mention situations to be avoided, gotten rid of exclusion of unwanted situations, things problems Away From: body language gestures of exclusion, shaking head, arms indicating that something is to be avoided, gotten rid of Note: Listen to what a person says after the word because. It will either be a Toward or an Away From statement.
Examples Toward: I would get personal satisfaction and a promotion." Mainly Toward: I would get a promotion, personal satisfaction, make more money and not have to go on the road Equally Toward and Away From: "I would get personal satisfaction and not have to go on the road." Mainly Away From: "I would not have all this routine work, or be away from my family often, plus, I would get a promotion." Away From: " I would get away from this boring work, all the deadlines, and my boss who keeps looking over my shoulder." Suggestion: Ask the questions in a series or laddering approach, as follows:
...more
Alternate Questions: What's the point? Why bother? What's important about X? What's in that for you?
