Words That Change Minds: The 14 Patterns for Mastering the Language of Influence

by Shelle Rose Charvet

It is well-known that people communicate through a set of filters shaped by history, sense of identity, beliefs about what is true, and values about what is right, as well as perceptions and interpretations of what is going on.

So, seven plus or minus two bits of information, is what we can comfortably be aware of at one time. Using the process of deletion, we filter lots of things out, either without being aware of them or consciously choosing to do so.

Two examples of distortion are hallucination and creativity. They are both similar in that the external information is changed to something else. That is what the process of distortion is all about.

Generalization is where you take a few examples and then create a general principle.

With these three filters, Deletion, Distortion and Generalization, we each create our own model of the world.

You pay attention to how people answer, instead of what they say. In this way, after asking a few simple questions, you can determine what will trigger and maintain someone's motivation and how they internally process information.

By deleting, distorting and generalizing, we inhabit our perceptions and interpretations of Reality.

What will trigger a person into action? In what direction do they move? Do they move toward an objective, or Away From problems to be solved or prevented?

There are two Triggers in this category describing the Direction a person is moving in for a given Context. They are either moving toward a goal, or away from problems.

Management tends to negotiate in terms of moving toward its objectives, while labor attempts to prevent certain things from occurring.

The authors' research showed that investors (both men and women) tended to ask questions of male entrepreneurs about how they "will win" and to ask female entrepreneurs questions about how they "will avoid losing".

This means male entrepreneurs are asked Toward-oriented questions that highlight opportunities and promotion strategies while female entrepreneurs have to answer Away From-oriented questions that focused on potential limitations and problems.

It can be easier selling to people provided you can get them to be External to you. This entails establishing credibility as well as rapport. One client of mine asked me: "Do you think I need it?" Proof that I had established credibility and that they had become External to me. Appearance also counts. You look more credible when you are wearing clothes that are one notch more formal than your client's, showing credentials and references, and slipping in expressions such as "In my experience", or "one thing I learned the hard way was ...."