Nothing to See Here

by Kevin Wilson

I thought about my own boyfriends, the way I mostly wanted them to just be in the same room with me, the way I didn’t expect anything from them.

wealth, as of course I already knew without firsthand experience, could normalize just about anything.

my fucking with him had made him overplay his authority.

I loved how expertly bitchy she was;

the way he accepted his ugliness, which was a kind of virtue.

But I felt tenderness for them,

Sometimes I made myself believe that I wanted nothing,

if I wanted nothing, I’d just turn into a ghost. And that would be the end of it.

as long as I was in love with you, I didn’t have to love anyone else,”

You took care of people by not letting them know how badly you wanted your life to be different.

How did anyone keep this world from ruining them? I wanted to know.

How do I say it and have you understand? Maybe there’s no way to say it.