Permission to Feel: The Power of Emotional Intelligence to Achieve Well-Being and Success

by Marc Brackett

or pact that details how everybody in your home wishes to feel. It also includes a list of commitments that everyone in the family will make to one another to create the best possible home environment. Depending on the age of the children, they may need help with the writing part. But even young kids know the right words to use. The charter is created by asking three questions. The first is: How do we want to feel as a family? This question can be asked over an evening meal or, perhaps, over the weekend when there is some downtime. Some of the words we’ve seen come up frequently among families are loving, respectful, included, safe, happy, calm, grateful, and playful. The second question is: What can we do to experience these feelings as often as possible? You can get highly specific with responses to this question, such as deciding how you’ll set the proper mood when it’s time to do homework, or at bedtime, or when dinner is served. Some families make a commitment to saying “I love you” each night before bed. The third question, which gets answered after the charter has been “lived” for a while, is: What can we do when we are not living the charter? Again, it’s helpful to get specific. For example, if one family member says something that makes another member feel disrespected, what’s the best way to express the feeling and settle whatever dispute might have caused it? Many charters include statements like “We will listen carefully without judgment to the person who feels...