Permission to Feel: The Power of Emotional Intelligence to Achieve Well-Being and Success

by Marc Brackett

think Mike Tyson had it right when he said, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” What’s true in the boxing ring is true everywhere else—it’s easy to say that from now on we’ll master all our emotional responses, until our significant other or cranky child or unreasonable boss triggers us with a word or a look, and suddenly all the RULER training goes out the window. So, along with permission to feel, we must also give ourselves permission to fail. When that happens, we can only try again—take a deep breath or two, envision our best selves, and start over at the first R. At such moments, we also need the courage to apologize and to forgive ourselves as we’d forgive others. Courage can even mean seeking professional help when all else fails. We’ll never stop having to work at being our best selves. But the payoff is worth it: better health, decision making, relationships, better everything.