A Dream about Lightning Bugs: A Life of Music and Cheap Lessons

by Ben Folds

It’s like when you ask a little kid why others like her and she says something like, “Because I’m funny! I make farting jokes in class.” Well, if you ask her classmates, they may well tell you that they tolerate that class-clown crap but that actually, “I like Ethel because she’s nice.” They see her in a way her ego will never allow. Ethel never needed to act like the village idiot to make people like her. Being herself was all she needed to do. It can take some time to find the thing that lives in your blind spot. As you get closer to finding your voice, you’ll feel resistance. You’ll want to retreat. It’s scary to just be you. You may notice that criticism from others starts to sting more, because now it’s personal. You’re being seen and addressed directly, not through the sunglasses you finally removed. But once you’ve relaxed, you can apply the effort to the important part—that which projects and amplifies the expression of the real you. That’s technique. And by the way, when it’s said that someone is “trying too hard,” we should take that to mean “trying too hard at the wrong thing.” Once the wrong thing, usually affectation or tension, is stripped away, by all means, please try too hard. Try as hard as you can to express what you feel, and don’t let anyone bully you otherwise.