Funny, You Don't Look Autistic: A Comedian's Guide to Life on the Spectrum

by Michael McCreary

When you see someone naked in front of you—emotionally or physically—you become very accepting of their vulnerability. It meant I was never afraid of seeing people at their low points.

I was taught how to “act normal.”

It was clear to me that the other parents—the ones with “normal” kids—hadn’t taught their offspring basic etiquette, figuring they’d just pick it up on their own.

The simplest definition is that autism is a neurological variation. In less fancy language, it’s a difference in your brain and how it’s wired. You see and process things differently from people who are the norm—what we in the ASD community call neurotypical.

Autism deals in extremes: you have a lot more of something and a lot less of something else.

People sometimes use terms like “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” to describe folks on the spectrum, which can be wrongly taken to make assumptions about people’s intelligence. Really, what they’re meant to tell you is to what degree someone can get through their day independently, or how much assistance they might need in their daily lives.

I told my classmates about my autism and tried to explain what it was. Of course, then they would go home and talk to their parents about it and come back with some misguided notions. To put it nicely, they figured I wasn’t terribly perceptive. Somehow, they got it into their heads that they could do things to me and get away with it, and I wouldn’t be any the wiser.

there can be a cognitive dissonance between the words they’re saying and their body language. So, if someone is smiling at me while calling me a moron, I’ll think they’re a nice guy and they’re just joking around.

Just because someone is smiling and saying nice things doesn’t mean they’re telling the truth.”

This is how I thought all relationships started. You pretend to love each other, and after a while, you become so used to pretending that it becomes true. Come to think of it, that might not be totally inaccurate.

The second my friends—or the people I thought were my friends—started exhibiting those behaviors toward me, I alienated myself from the group. And gradually, I removed myself from every social situation because I couldn’t trust people. Frankly, I hated people. So I became a loner.

“Everyone is so nice to you. You’re the captain of the team, the best player at every sport, you win at everything. Everyone wants to be you. And you’re horrible. To everyone. I don’t think you deserve the friends you have. That’s why I hate you.” “Oh,” he said.

Harold had an incredibly mature response to my criticism, and he actually grew and changed as a human being. So I decided I would try to grow and change, too.

I figured out that people don’t usually change if you put bananas in their desks. When they change is if you help them see the other as a human being.

the stern one, an old soul who grew up in the 1950s, though beneath the conservative exterior, he’s a bleeding-heart liberal who cries at every movie he sees, even the bad ones.

the free spirit, a warm humanist with a crass sense of humor and the wonderful ability to see people as complicated and accept them in spite of their flaws.

Stand Up For Mental Health, had the mission of using stand-up to eliminate the stigma around both psychological and neurological variations.

This class was much-needed therapy, in every sense of the word, for them. I felt as though my problems were childish and not really legit. Maybe it was wrong that I was there.

“I was talking to this guy. I thought we really connected. I told him everything, then suddenly he snapped at me. I was so embarrassed and didn’t know what to do. So I left the confessional.” That was the first joke I ever wrote.

punching up—meaning you make jokes about the people in power, not the people without it.

I was terrified. I was terrified because I knew that this was something I loved, and if I bombed on my first time out, I might never want to do it again.

school enforces a jack-of-all-trades mentality.

It’s important to stand up to authority when it’s corrupt, but it’s also important to understand how it became corrupt in the first place, so you can better reason with them. Sometimes they’re scared because they don’t know as much as the people they work for (the EA in the Hub); sometimes they’re just sick and tired (the geography teacher).

every time a system has changed for the better, it’s because of someone saying, “I have a problem” loudly enough.

When you strive for perfection, you live in the shadow of potential failure. Humiliation. The fear that the second you mess up, no one will take you seriously anymore.

Socially Awkward Man is the part of yourself that reminds you that we’re all human. We all look a little stupid sometimes.

I’ve found many people with ASD have this in common: we obsess about the negative.

You’re not afraid of trying to appease people and make them like you, because you know you can’t. It might sound nihilistic, but in this instance, resignation will save you.

I got taken out of high school to go play an extra on Degrassi, which is like getting out of jury duty to go play a member of a jury.

savant

diatribe

I was waiting for what my dad calls “the better offer,” which is when you give a “maybe” to someone, not because you have plans, but because you’re waiting for something more exciting to pop up.

I finally realized that the people who matter are the ones who make time for you. Friendship is deeper than having mutual interests. Friendship is setting aside time in your day to help someone forget about life for a while.

the only people we really had to blame were ourselves. Lewis had been totally upfront about his stance on popcorn, and might have been open for discussion, but we hadn’t taken him seriously.

I walked away with a lesson in how systems can fail people who aren’t neurotypical. In this case, I had gone looking for some simple information, and not only did I not get answers, I didn’t receive help until it was much too late.

when you’re young, you usually mistake “knowing everything” for being “a know-it-all.” It’s not bad to ask for help,

Improv taught me more about social skills than any learning strategies class ever could. It got me out of my comfort zone and taught me how to be more flexible. Improv taught me not to fear failure.

Neil Gaiman once said: “You have to be on time, easy to work with, and good at what you do. If you are two out of three of these, you’ll be fine.”

You should say yes to life when it benefits you and those you care about, but you always have the right to say no when it doesn’t.

I saw the line between the autism and comedy worlds instantly dissolve. An advocate can be a carefree prankster, and a comic can be a deep-thinking philosopher. Your job does not define you.

All of those times my brother wanted me to swap out a tape was just him trying to be a part of my life? I’m such an idiot!

imposter syndrome—an inability to recognize your own accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud.

It turns out many, if not most creative people experience this feeling.

“Make every show a Massey Hall show. The venue’s history doesn’t matter. The size of the crowd or the stage doesn’t matter. Just make it an event you can be proud of.”