Funny, You Don't Look Autistic: A Comedian's Guide to Life on the Spectrum

by Michael McCreary

I met a woman recently and happened to mention that I am autistic. She responded, “That’s ridiculous, you’re doing great!” I don’t believe the terms are mutually exclusive.

Now is probably a good time to talk about how people with ASD like to refer to themselves. Some autistic people prefer person-first language: “a person with autism.” Others prefer to put the identity first: “autistic person.” I believe that people on both sides want to emphasize the value and worth of the individual. No matter what the person’s point of view, it’s important to respect their choice of terms.

Whatever it was that led my parents to think, “Something’s up with this kid,” I’m grateful. Because most kids, frankly, are weird. Their instinct when they see a decrepit cardboard box is to run inside it and say, “It’s a rocket ship!” That’s pretty weird, but society’s fairly accepting of a moderate level of weirdness in kids. So I must have been exceptionally strange in my behavior to raise alarms.

(sometimes abbreviated NT) is the word used to describe people who are neurologically typical, meaning they aren’t on the autism spectrum and don’t have any other disabilities or differences that affect how their brains function. Tip: try using it instead of “normal.”

I was having a sensory overload, which is what happens when there’s too much stimulation coming at you at once.

When you’re working, set up a space with dividers on each side. Cardboard will be your best friend. Pillow forts work, too.

For those sensitive to bright light, try wearing sunglasses with tinted lenses.

If you’re sensitive to noise, always bring earplugs or headphones wit...

Some autistic people actually like crowded, noisy places. If that’s you or someone you know, try working more noise into your ...

Meltdown vs. Tantrum There’s a common misconception that a meltdown and a tantrum are the same thing. Actually, the rationale for each one is quite different. A meltdown is an autistic person’s involuntary reaction to something they can’t control or understand. For example: “In class today, some guy kept rubbing two pieces of foam together. The sound made my skin crawl, and I lost it.” A tantrum, on the other hand, is a fit that comes from wanting something but not getting it: e.g., “What?! The karaoke bar doesn’t do reservations on Friday? Hulk Smash!”

it turned out he was hyposensitive, meaning his senses were too dull. He couldn’t feel heat and cold like other people, which meant my parents had to watch that he didn’t burn or freeze himself. And because he was so under-sensitive to sensory information, he needed to seek out stimulation.

As we grew older, we both acquired fixations—something common to many people on the spectrum.

Even our approaches to life were at odds. I was a child who would overthink things—sometimes so deeply that I was unable to make a decision. I needed the approval of others to perform the smallest action. My brother, on the other hand, was driven purely by instinct. If he was hungry, he would grab an apple off a tree. If he was thirsty, he would jump in a lake and start drinking. His thought process was, “If I need a thing, I’ll go get the thing.” I envied his drive, if not his questionable practicality.

I was taught how to “act normal.” I learned to hold the door for people. I learned to tell the truth, but to understand when it was okay to lie for politeness. I learned to use my manners, not to swear, to respect personal space, and to stop talking when it was time for somebody else to have a turn. And then I got to school. And I discovered that no one else had learned these things.

The simplest definition is that autism is a neurological variation. In less fancy language, it’s a difference in your brain and how it’s wired. You see and process things differently from people who are the norm—what we in the ASD community call neurotypical.

People sometimes use terms like “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” to describe folks on the spectrum, which can be wrongly taken to make assumptions about people’s intelligence. Really, what they’re meant to tell you is to what degree someone can get through their day independently, or how much assistance they might need in their daily lives.

you feel every possible emotion and see every possible outcome of a social situation at once.

People are exhausting, and when your brain is working overtime to try to understand them, it can suck the joy out of socializing.

Having autism is like having too many tabs open on a computer. Or more accurately, it’s like trying to surf the web without an ad blocker. Every time you click on something, another window pops up.

“Don’t talk to him, or anyone like him. They’re pretending to be nice, but they’re not. Just because someone is smiling and saying nice things doesn’t mean they’re telling the truth.”

Just because you don’t show what you’re feeling, doesn’t mean you aren’t feeling something.

A fixation is, at its essence, just a love of something. Most people have hobbies or passions. But for people with autism, their fixation is the driving force behind everything they do. It might be pro wrestling, World War I aviation, insects, or Kodak cameras—anything we can research, systematize, and organize is comfortable for us. The downside: if you ask an Aspie, “Hey, what are you into?” be prepared to lose several hours.

I figured out that people don’t usually change if you put bananas in their desks. When they change is if you help them see the other as a human being.

Self-advocacy is an autistic person’s best friend and an important concept for anyone with special challenges.

The first step is just saying something. Find someone you can talk to (a teacher, student helper, or even the principal), let them know what your problem is, and talk about how you can deal with it. Be articulate and patient with them. Of course, you might not find a receptive ear with the first person you talk to—you may need to keep advocating to get what you need. And you need to balance your self-advocacy with reasonable expectations about what a teacher or a school can manage. Just remember that every time a system has changed for the better, it’s because of someone saying, “I have a problem” loudly enough.

I’ve found many people with ASD have this in common: we obsess about the negative.

the knowledge that a certain percentage of the people you encounter are always going to hate you, and for no particular reason. It’s going to be a constant through your life. Once you come to grips with this knowledge, it’s liberating. You’re not afraid of trying to appease people and make them like you, because you know you can’t.

Friendship is deeper than having mutual interests. Friendship is setting aside time in your day to help someone forget about life for a while.

You should say yes to life when it benefits you and those you care about, but you always have the right to say no when it doesn’t.

Stimming is an adaptive behavior that helps people cope with both positive and negative emotions.

Before I could even raise my hand, one family had already asked my question: “My kids can only connect with me through me performing a task for them. What do I do?” The moderator responded: “People want a connection on their own terms. If you can replace that task with something you both enjoy, maybe you could find a better connection.” My brain imploded. All of those times my brother wanted me to swap out a tape was just him trying to be a part of my life? I’m such an idiot!