The Pale-Faced Lie

by David Crow

“You can’t change your childhood, but you can let it go,” he said.

The only way to be free was to forgive them—and forgive myself. It was advice I’d heard plenty of times, but on that day in the hotel, I was ready to do it. In an instant, I stopped expecting anything from them. Their approval, friendship, understanding, empathy, love. And I stopped believing that Dad, Mom, and Mona were right about me—or any of us. I didn’t want to carry around the burden of longing and guilt and shame anymore. I was done. How else could I ever feel any joy or happiness? It was as if a light went on inside my brain. It had been so simple, something I could have done long ago. But no tie is as strong as family, making it the hardest one to break.