That’s the beginning: notice your body. Next comes language. Some of this becomes obvious immediately. Substituting a slur for a partner’s name, for example. But language in general is more subtle than this. It works at both the conscious and subconscious levels. Painfully, word by word, second by second they go. Don’t say “pussy.” Don’t swear. Don’t say “my old lady.” Don’t say “ho,” “slut,” “woman.” Use proper names. Use the term “partner.” Maintain eye contact with the person you’re speaking to or with the group. Sit up straight. No slumping. When describing the incidents that landed them
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