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His gaze remained steady on her face. During their introductions earlier, she’d been struck by the intensity of his presence. His exquisite manners were paired with a predatory stillness. He didn’t say much, didn’t need to: it was as if he was simply waiting for one to make the wrong move. If life were a staring contest, Adam Garrity would always emerge victorious, the very last to blink.
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I will be faithful to you, protect you, see that you want for nothing.
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“I am acquainted with the Kents.” Mr. Garrity’s tone was rather dry. “Then you know that they are good people. And once Violet weds Viscount Carlisle, Mr. Murray will practically be one of their family. Couldn’t you extend your generosity to him just a while longer? Give him a chance to make good on his debts?” she pleaded. Mr. Garrity gave her a brooding look. “You do understand that I don’t run a charity.” “But these are exigent circumstances. And I know you are a kind and honorable man. That’s what I told the Kents.” “Did you indeed?” He smiled without humor. “And what did they say to
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She’d been plagued by worries all her life, another one of her oddities. Perhaps it was because she’d never known a mama’s soothing love (her mother had died giving birth to her). Or because she hadn’t had any siblings or childhood friends with whom to air out these feelings. Or because she’d endured years of social ostracism, her peers at finishing school gleefully pointing out all her faults. Whatever the cause, her head was a repository of anxious thoughts. Since her marriage, she’d worked on improving herself, on becoming a wife worthy of Adam. What man wanted to be married to a woman who
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At the same time, he was also private and reserved, and she told herself that some distance in a marriage was a good thing. Indeed, it might make the heart grow fonder. The last thing she needed was for him to look too closely at her flaws and wish that he’d married someone better.
Others might be intimidated by her husband’s keen scrutiny, but strangely she wasn’t. Perhaps it was because he’d always been honest with her and seen her for who she was. He’d married her because he’d wanted a virtuous wife, a devoted mother to his children, and a gracious hostess to his friends and associates. And, Gabby thought with trembling pride, he’d made the right choice because she was all of those things. Being Mrs. Adam Garrity was the only thing she’d ever been good at, an honor she tried her utmost to live up to every day.
“Couldn’t you let your men handle the exchange tonight? Why can’t you wait in the carriage? What if there’s fighting and gunfire and—” “I can handle myself in a fight.” His lips twitched as if he was amused. Amused…when his life was at stake! “That’s not the point,” she insisted. “Why take unnecessary risks?” “I thought you wanted me to help your friends.” “Not at the expense of your own well-being!” He raised his brows. “Why are you so concerned, my dear?” “Because I can’t stand the thought of you getting hurt.” Her throat swelled with the power of her feelings. “Because I love you. You’re
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She told herself that she was perfectly content with having a husband who was faithful and caring. It would be foolish to long for more, especially given her own paucity of charms. It was enough that Adam accepted her and never made her feel stupid or gauche when she couldn’t hold back her professions of love. He was the best of husbands.
His gut told him that he didn’t belong in this world of comfort and luxury. It felt too foreign: this beautiful room…this beautiful female. If he’d had to make a wager about himself, he’d lay down money that his origins were less refined. Even in his present state, there was a covetousness in him, a thieving hunger for the finer things that surrounded him. They felt as if they didn’t belong to him, as if they could be ripped away at any moment…
As he’d suspected, he hadn’t been born into his present circumstances, a silver spoon stuck in his mouth. His survival instincts were too keen, as if he’d had to fight for everything his entire life. Even now, in this uncanny situation, he had an alley cat’s mentality. Land on your feet, assess for danger, and claim your territory.
It struck him that he, Adam Garrity, was not merely plump in the pocket, he was as rich as Croesus. Properties and investments? Diversification? Only a toff who was truly wealthy (and, let’s face it, a might pretentious) would use a word like that.
He might not remember his past, but he felt one driving principle within himself, its rhythm as ingrained as that of his heart. Survive, survive, survive.
Hmm. He couldn’t quite fathom himself being a hero, but if she said it happened, then it must have. Who was he to question his own valiant behavior? All he knew was that he could get used to that look in her eyes: as if he’d hung the moon and the stars in the sky for her.
The Adam before the accident had always been in command, of himself and the universe around him. He was their confident and invincible leader, and everyone had followed along, trying to keep up. This Adam was doing something the old one had never done: he was asking for help.
She felt as if she were teetering on the edge of discovery. As if she were suddenly looking down into a dark abyss where the unknown lay in wait. Perhaps she’d always sensed its existence. In the sunlit contentment of her marriage, it was easy enough to ignore; but at night, when all was still and dark, it slithered through her dreams, sending tremors through the foundation of her happiness. Secrets, secrets, secrets, it whispered. She’d never gathered the courage to peer into the darkness.
In the past, she hadn’t been able to persuade her friends of her husband’s generosity and goodness any more than she could convince him that they were worthy of his trust. For her sake, both parties had tolerated one another.
Had she ever known her husband? What secrets had he kept from her? That, she saw with a flash of insight, was the true cost of having walls in her marriage. They provided security and a place to hide, yes…but they also allowed secrets to take root. Doubt and suspicion could flourish in the wake of those secrets, spreading like ivy and overrunning happiness.
It was hard to be entirely relaxed around a man who was so accomplished and commanding…so male. Compared to him, she felt as insignificant as a pebble next to a mountain. The recognition struck her: as much as she adored her husband, she’d never felt like she was his equal.
Excuses because she was afraid of the burgeoning intimacy between them, the changes that were exhilarating and frightening at the same time. Changes that threatened to tear down the walls of the past. The walls that had felt safe, yes, but that had also established a distance between them. Was she ready to get to know her husband without the security of retreat? After Adam’s close brush with death and the ensuing weeks of uncertainty, she realized she was tired of being afraid. Tired of hiding. Whatever lay in the journey ahead, she would explore it…by her husband’s side.
How a woman could be so unaware of her beauty and worth was beyond him. He had no clue why the old Adam Garrity had eschewed romantic notions. Yet when Gabby spoke of his old self, it was always with pride and adoration, to the point where he sometimes felt jealous…of himself. Ridiculous, but there it was. He was her husband now, and he wanted her to see him for who he was. To want him as a woman wants a man…and to fall in love with him. The way she’d grabbed hold of his heart since he’d awakened.
He might not remember who he’d been, but he did know himself now. The soul-deep hunger and possessiveness he felt for the woman across from him. He was driven and ambitious; his natural tendency was to take command. When he wanted something, he went after it. He wanted his wife. More than anything.
“I wanted the truth from you then, and I want it now.” He didn’t blink. “Are you happy with the way things were?” Confronted, panicked, with nowhere to run, she stilled—and the answer flashed in her head. She saw fully, for the first time, the price she’d paid for security. For eight years, the limits and routines of her marriage had kept her safe, but those walls she’d hidden behind had also been a cage. “I want more.” In her admission, she heard the click of a key, felt the tremble of something shifting, opening within herself. “I always have.”
All these years, she’d been hiding, choosing to live in a cupboard when her marriage was a palace waiting to be explored. When room upon room of dazzling pleasures had awaited her. How she wished she’d had the courage to discover this intimacy sooner.
He fought to concentrate, to get himself under control. He felt as if there were two disparate halves of him warring with one another, the past and present colliding with jarring dissonance. He was who he’d always been, and he was his new self: neither was prepared to deal with the present situation. A situation that his old self would never have let come to pass and which his new self found more than a little appalling. You lost control, and you hurt her, his old self said. Why did you keep so many secrets from her? his new self asked in disgust.
Her husband’s mercilessness ought to have shocked her. But it didn’t. She’d gone into the marriage with her eyes wide open when it came to his origins and profession, the nature of the man she’d married. An eye for an eye—that was who Adam Garrity was. He was as fierce in his loyalty to his friends as he was in his hostility to his enemies.
With growing wonder, Gabby realized what a miracle Adam was. After everything he’d gone through, he’d been a faithful husband to her and loving father to their children. And who he’d been during his amnesia…that had been real. The Adam unburdened by his horrific past, the one who knew how to love, who taught her to believe in herself: he’d been real. His love for her was real.
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