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January 29 - January 30, 2019
“No, because for the first time in all the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve finally met someone who managed to knock me off kilter. I didn’t understand it until I was in New York.
“It’s not a line. It’s you. I can’t explain it, but you’re all I think about. The way you hide your face from me when you’re unsure of yourself. How your smile makes my heart stop, and how even now, with speckles of paint on your face, you take my breath away. Don’t you see? I tried to stay away, but I keep finding myself back here.”
“Then what do you want with me?” His eyes are open, allowing me to see all his emotions. “More. I want more.” “And what if you realize I’m not worth more?” He shakes his head. “What if you’re worth it all?”
“Don’t make me think you’re great and then break my heart.” Eli’s fingers thread in my hair. “Don’t make me keep fighting so hard to win you.” My defenses fall to the floor as he pulls my head closer. “What are you doing to me?” He smiles. “I’m making you feel how you make me feel—helpless.”
“We can’t worry about tomorrow, we can only own tonight. And tonight, I’m going to make sure you never forget how good we are. When you want to run away, I want this to be what you remember.”
“It’s only because you’re meant for me. I’m not perfect, baby. We’re just perfect together.”
“Wanting and doing are two different things and people tend to protect themselves over another.” Her words strike me deep in my heart. Is that what I’m doing? Knowingly keeping things from her to protect myself? To be able to have whatever I can have with her at her expense? I hate myself in this very moment.
Perfection is an illusion we create to convince the soul to trust. Now that the curtain has fallen, I see how stupid I was. The thing is, I don’t need perfect. I need real because Matt was perfect until shit hit the fan. Then he was gone. But this hurts so much more than that did.
