Rock Bottom Girl

by Lucy Score

“For being a shitty team player and having a craptastic attitude. Newsflash, you want to act like a jerk, do it at home to your parents who made you this way. Now, run.”

Our strength comes from our diversity, our willingness to change, to fight inequality, to explode scientific advancement.”

“They’re basically animals, you know? Without us, they’d be not showering and wandering around naked just licking things. We’re goddamn superheroes.”

“You’re operating on the assumption that there’s a standard adulthood that we all subscribe to. You think it’s grown-up to go tattling to the boss over a co-worker relationship? Is it grown-up to throw your weight around and steal some other team’s practice field? We’re all just overgrown teenagers running around trying to be happy.”

“What if I wasn’t right for any of those things?” she shot back. “What’s the difference? If a job or a guy didn’t fit you or you didn’t fit them, the problem’s the same. The fit was wrong.”

“No. It’s not. Because if it’s not them, it’s gotta be me. Maybe I don’t fit anywhere.

Learn the difference between venting and asking for advice. Hint: We’re very rarely asking for advice.

You don’t make an effort for other people. You do it for yourself.”

That was a lot different from my high school days. Everything everyone did back then was for the approval of other people.

Where some women would blab your ears off about how they were feeling about every damn thing, Marley Cicero was quieter, more mysterious.

I did the only thing I could do. I tumbled off my bachelor pedestal face-first, hitting every step on the way down. This was going to be a freaking disaster.

Well, shit. So that’s how it felt. Knowing you wanted to do something every day for the rest of your life. That’s what I wanted right now.

I felt…cared for. Spoiled. Cherished.

“Why do you like giving gifts?” I bit into a crisp piece of bacon. “Dunno. I like finding something that I know someone will love. You know, put thought into it. Show them I care. I guess.”

“But there’s the family you’re given and the family you choose. They don’t have to be sitting home alone on Thanksgiving if you’re not around.”

This was a real kiss. All of this felt too real. I was in over my head, but I didn’t feel interested in saving myself. I was content to drown.

“I. Can’t. Breathe,” she squeaked out, wiping away the tears. “I fell off a donkey.” She covered her mouth with her hand, brown eyes twinkling, and I realized I’d never seen anyone more beautiful in my entire life. I was going to marry this woman. And I was going to mention this exact moment in our vows.

“There’s no point in aiming low. You think you’re protecting yourself from disappointment, but what you’re really doing is setting yourself up to never have the best.”

“What if you put it all out there and have nothing to regret because you did your very best?”

“Losing is never the end of the world. Losing is where the learning starts.”

“This is so exciting,” Jessica said, linking her arms through mine and Ned’s. “I feel like women’s lib finally made it to Culpepper! I want to set my bra on fire!”

I was going to marry her. Really, I had no choice. Marley Cicero was meant to be mine, and I was meant to be hers. We would hash out the details later.

I was sinking into the shame of it, and I couldn’t pull myself out of it. It was all so familiar. Just like every layoff. Every breakup. I was always destined to get knocked down again.

“I thought I was finally getting my act together, you know? I thought things were going well. That maybe I was supposed to stay here.”

“I’m asking you to stay, Mars. Stay here. Be mine. Let me be yours. Live in this haunted house with me and Homer. Work with me. Run with me. Make me lunches. Let me hold you while you fall asleep on the porch.”

“Grow old and obnoxious with me, Marley Jean Cicero. I want to be raising a ruckus at bingo with you when we’re eighty and don’t give a fuck.”

I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me so many times that it makes more sense to stay on the floor than stand back up.”

“There is no more than what I found with you. I was happy with you, and it scared me, Jake. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be good enough. And you come along and don’t even demand that I prove myself. You just love me as the hot mess that I am.”

“I love you,” she said. “So much. So big and wide and more. You’re the ‘more’ I’ve been looking for my entire life. And I love you, and I hope you still love me even though I was a jerk and told you that you didn’t know what love was.”