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“I’m going to take that license and my future boobs, and when I graduate, I’m going to drive out of this hell hole with both middle fingers flying out the car window.”
As for personality? Let’s just say the apple didn’t fall far from the other apple.
“Don’t get sad. Don’t give these dumb fucks the ability to hurt you,”
He was older, more muscular. Tattooed. Sexy AF, in my humble, depressed opinion.
“You can be nervous, but don’t be palpably nervous,”
“Droopy the Clown is my new persona,” I insisted.
“I may portray myself to be an upstanding adult during school hours. But I assure you, after school I’m a little rougher around the edges.”
Personal preferences in the following areas: bed, dishwasher loading, movies and TV viewing, restaurants/diet (don’t take a lactose intolerant person out for ice cream before sex), politics, relationship guidelines (e.g., Are stripper boobs touching your face considered cheating or just sad?).
Learn the difference between venting and asking for advice. Hint: We’re very rarely asking for advice.
“Never underestimate the power of parents who think their children are perfect and special,”
“No, she’s a blow-up doll I met at a porn store,”
“That’s because you’re looking for outside validation.”
“Low maintenance doesn’t have to mean absolutely zero fucks given,”
I couldn’t think of anything in this world that could compete with the feel of Jake’s palms on my boobs. Not a litter of golden retriever puppies. Not world peace. Not even triple chocolate fudge brownies with ice cream.
I couldn’t tell if he was talking to me or my tits. But we were all good with it.
I knew it was dangerous to wave my wiener around when my dog was stirred up.
“But there’s the family you’re given and the family you choose. They don’t have to be sitting home alone on Thanksgiving if you’re not around.”
and delectable skewers of meat that the server promised no one we knew had killed and went in search of the bar. If
yawned. “Marley, I’m not exaggerating
“We can’t control their expectations. But we can control our effort. You’ve
