She Just Wants to Forget (What She Felt) (Volume 2)

by R.H. Sin

Your parents weren’t much help, your struggles began early on and here you are as a result of everything that has happened to you. Here you are today in this moment, struggling through all the things that you have no control over. Your father, inconsistent. His hands barely there to protect you, his hands barely there to shield you and so you had to learn about wolves on your own. He was never present enough and somehow that led you to entertaining relationships with men who were just as inconsistent as he’s always been. Your mother dropped the ball on informing you of what being a woman would mean. She fell short of teaching you those lessons and so you found yourself rogue on any mission that would hopefully lead you to some sort of understanding of yourself.

It was never hard to tell; I think deep down she always knew that there was something going on. Even if you decided to say nothing, even when you thought you were so skilled at hiding whatever it was. Deep down, she always knew and yet she decided to say nothing. She decided to say nothing because maybe the truth was something she wasn’t ready to face. Maybe she knew that coming to terms with what she’d discover would force her to do everything that she was avoiding all along. They say everything done in the darkness will somehow find it’s moment in the light and this is exactly what happened even when you don’t know that it has. Even when you think that for some odd reason you’ll never be found out. She knows, she knows, she knows and she’ll say nothing for now because right now the lies ironically feel a bit safer. As strange as it may be, the lies you told, the lies she chose to believe have prevented her from facing a horrible truth. She knows and one day when she’s ready, she’ll move forward from you …

She represented something so grand, something so special. Something so rare and still you decided to treat her as if her everything was nothing and so she began the process of cleansing herself of what she initially felt for you. The woman you chose to overlook and neglect decided to love herself rather than continue falling for someone who would never catch her.

You’re always giving but who gives to you? You’re always fighting for someone but who fights for you? How is it that you’ve gone so long constantly trying for someone who refuses to try just as much as you do? Who taught you to settle? Was it a parent? Was it your father or mother? You learned to tolerate bullshit so young and so you grow older to seek after more of that. Entertaining relationships that come with dead ends. Falling in love with people who will never catch you. It’s time for you to be the recipient of everything you’ve wasted on people who could never live up to the things they promised. It’s your turn to know how it feels to be with someone who would do anything to keep you.

goals for this year: survive, again.

don’t complain about her being cold knowing damn well she wasted her warmth on you

take the pen from his hands and write your own ending he no longer fits in your story

she was more than enough but you lost her

i don’t want to say i suffer from depression i thrive through it

it hurts in the beginning but the end was necessary and one day you’ll realize that you’ll be everything to the right person until then be everything to yourself

all in all you deserve someone who you can be vulnerable with and not worry about being hurt because of it

I want to forget and so do you. I want to remember how it felt to be happy and so do you.

Someone told you as a little girl that when a guy is mean to you, he likes you and so you grew up thinking that their mistreatment was a confession of love when honestly it was a red flag for the pain they’d cause.

Maybe the good are invisible to you because they taught you that the bad boys were more interesting and yet interestingly enough, the bad boys are the reason for your heartache and the destruction of your peace.

I miss you, I thought this would be easy but it isn’t and the hardest part of it all is that you don’t even give a damn about me. You left when I needed you the most, you disappeared on me when the sadness came for me and there was nothing I could do but sit up in the dark, looking toward the moon for clarity. Struggling to find my peace of mind in the dark hues of the night. If you loved me like you claimed, you’d be here. If I was the one, I’d never feel like the nothing I’ve felt while being near you. I miss you, I miss me. I lost you and lost myself.

Loving the wrong person is like a nightmare that feels impossible to wake up from but you can’t continue to compromise your dreams for something that no longer fits into the idea of what you believe you deserve.

One day, you’ll see. One day those apologies will hold no meaning, she’ll no longer provide you with a second chance to hurt her heart and she’ll give you nothing but silence because you will have lost the right to hear her speak. Every woman has a breaking point, every woman experiences that moment from which they believe walking away and finding themselves is the true reward.

If he no longer appreciated your presence, then maybe he’ll comprehend your absence. Stop making time for someone who refuses to find time for you.

I wish he understood that every time he takes you for granted, he’s just teaching you how to live without him.

she screamed pain with silence she wore heartache with a smile

first love doesn’t mean a lasting love